Emotional Detachment: Definition, Causes & Signs

By Zamfira Parincu, BA, Researcher
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.

What is emotional detachment? Discover the causes and signs of emotional detachment and strategies to reduce it and improve emotional connection.

*This page may include affiliate links; that means we earn from qualifying purchases of products.

​Sometimes, emotionally detaching yourself from a person or a situation can be a positive coping mechanism that can help you manage stress, pain, or anxiety. But what happens when this strategy is overused and interferes with your emotional and social well-being? In this article, we will talk about how emotional detachment can sometimes appear as a negative coping mechanism and how to recognize the signs when it becomes problematic.

Because emotional detachment can negatively affect relationships, we will also provide some strategies to reduce it and increase emotional connection for a healthy and thriving relationship.

​Before we get started, we thought you might be interested in taking our well-being quiz to get your free personalized report.​ Or, if you're a well-being entrepreneur or coach, download our Wellness Business Growth eBook to get expert tips, tools, and resources to grow your business fast.​​​

Are You a Therapist, Coach, or Wellness Entrepreneur?

Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to
Grow Your Wellness Business Exponentially!

 ✓  Save hundreds of hours of time  ✓  Earn more $ faster  
​✓  Boost your credibility ✓  Deliver high-impact content 

What Is Emotional Detachment? (A Definition)

Broadly speaking, emotional detachment is the inability or unwillingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings, which can translate into repeatedly being disconnected or disengaged from what other people are feeling. 

It is similar to building a wall between yourself and the outside world and not letting it down for anyone. Emotional detachment may interfere with the person’s life, impacting social, emotional, and even work areas. For example, a person might have a hard time creating or keeping a personal relationship, or it might be challenging for them to share their feelings or emotions.

Emotional detachment is a complex issue. For some people, being emotionally detached is a coping mechanism—a strategy that is used to protect them from stress or getting hurt. For others, it can be a reaction to trauma, abuse, or unprocessed emotions, which makes the person unable to open up about their struggles. 

Although emotional detachment can be helpful in some situations if used with a clear purpose— such as not caring if people gossip about you—it can have a negative effect if it’s too much or if you can’t control it. For instance, if you are unable to connect with other people or have a hard time expressing emotions, it might impact your personal relationships. However, it’s important to keep in mind that emotional detachment is not simply a ‘switch’ that can be turned on and off at will.

The Opposite of Emotional Detachment

The opposite of emotional detachment is emotional connection. Feeling connected to someone else, a friend, a partner, a parent, means a deep feeling of intimacy. In this case, intimacy does not necessarily translate into sex or physical attraction but rather a way of knowing the other that goes beyond the surface level. For example, it can mean that you know someone will be consistently available, especially in times of need, or it can mean that you really listen to the other person, not simply just hearing and sharing openly.

One important part of emotional connection between humans is vulnerability. Being vulnerable with a loved one allows them to see the real you and helps you to live a more fulfilling life. Opening up can be frightening, so give yourself time and space to practice this skill. You can remind yourself that you’re not alone: in fact, many of us struggle with vulnerability. Learning to emotionally connect with others is an important part of emotional change and maturity.

World-renowned scientist Brené Brown argues that being vulnerable actually takes a lot of courage, and when we let ourselves take down those walls, we open ourselves to experiences that bring meaning to our lives.

Causes of Emotional Detachment

Emotional detachment can have different causes, such as past neglect or trauma, mental health conditions, or even medications. Some common causes of emotional detachment include: 
​

• Past experiences. If you’ve experienced abuse, neglect, and trauma, it can contribute to emotional detachment. For instance, exposure to traumatic events and interpersonal trauma in childhood is associated with emotional detachment, but so is psychological trauma in adulthood (Dvir et al., 2014; Foa & Hearst-Ikeda, 1996). Children may also use emotional detachment as a way to cope with a traumatic event.
• Other mental health conditions. A couple of mental health conditions have as a symptom emotional detachment. Some of these psychological illnesses include bipolar disorder, depression, personality disorders, and PTSD.
• Medications. Emotional detachment might also be a side effect of some medications, including antidepressants, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) used to treat major depressive disorders and other psychiatric disorders.
• Personal choice. Some people might choose to detach emotionally as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, or boundaries violations. Emotional detachment can be a positive coping mechanism if you’re experiencing a temporary problem, but it can negatively affect your life or relationships if it becomes an overused strategy.

You can watch the video below if you’re curious why someone might be emotionally detached.

Video: 6 Reasons Why Someone Is Emotionally Detached

Emotional Detachment Symptoms

Emotional detachment is not an official diagnosis in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5), like major depressive disorder. However, it can be a symptom of other disorders, such as attachment disorders, or it can be the result of past trauma.
  
Some signs of emotional detachment might look like:

• Difficulty showing empathy to others
• Difficulty sharing emotions or opening up to others
• Difficulty committing to a relationship or person
• Feeling disconnected from others
• Losing touch with people or problems maintaining connections
• Feeling “numb”
• Inability to identify emotions

Emotional Detachment in Relationships

Emotional connection in relationships is a crucial part of being in a happy and committed relationship. However, emotional detachment might feel like you are paddling alone in a boat that requires two people to do the work. Not only can this seem incredibly challenging and frustrating at times, but it can also lead to confusion about the relationship and build resentment over time (Colona & Buckman, 2018)

In a romantic relationship, some of the emotional detachment signs include (Gunther, 2020):

• Not being available. Your partner might not answer the bids for connection (like requests for something or help needed in an emergency). Even though there will be moments when any partner is less available because of stress, work, or personal issues, being constantly emotionally unavailable or rejecting bids for connection can indicate emotional detachment.
• Poor communication. Communication is an important skill that needs constant practice, and not all communication is verbal. Poor communication simply means that a partner is not communicating in a way that is clearly understood by the other partner or is expressing disgust or rejection through body language.
• Reduced affection. There are many ways to show affection. Learning you and your partners’ love languages is an important step towards building a strong relationship. For example, emotionally detached partners might have a hard time expressing affection or saying “I love you,” which can negatively impact the relationship.

Stonewalling, a form of emotional detachment that often arises during conflict. Stonewalling is also one of the four ways Dr. John Gottman can predict whether a couple will divorce or not. He names the four characteristics that lead to divorce “The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse”—a metaphor describing the end of times in the New Testament. To make a healthy relationship work, Gottman argues that a couple should invest in their relationship and create “an emotional bank account.” This account has “deposits” of positive interactions, such as compliments, dates, physical affection, and “withdrawals” through negative moments.

Video: How to Cope With an Emotionally Detached Partner

Emotional Detachment in PTSD

PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced or seen a scary or dangerous event.

Emotional detachment or avoidance is a common reaction to trauma because it helps people escape painful negative emotions. Emotional detachment might be adaptive (beneficial) at the time of the trauma, as it can protect you from unwanted thoughts or feelings. Still, it can actually disrupt recovery because it interferes with emotional processing (Clohessy & Ehlers, 1999). However, studies show that avoiding or suppressing feelings might not only make some PTSD symptoms worse but can contribute to developing PTSD symptoms after a traumatic event (Clohessy & Ehlers, 1999; Boden et al., 2013). In PTSD patients, emotional detachment is also associated with PTSD severity (Feeny et al., 2000).

The experience of trauma can lead to very intense emotions, such as overwhelming fear or anxiety. Some researchers argue that for people with PTSD is more difficult to express positive emotions, and they might require a “higher” positive emotion, but they are nevertheless able to experience them (Litz & Gray, 2002)

Emotional Detachment Disorder

Emotional detachment is not officially listed in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) but might be a symptom of other mental health disorders, such as:

• Major depressive disorder (MDD)
  
• Bipolar disorder
  
• PTSD
  
• Depersonalization/derealization disorder (DPDR) ​
  

How to Fix Emotional Detachment

Sometimes, being emotionally detached can negatively affect your life or relationships. However, there are many ways you can cope with emotional detachment. Here are some examples of how to let go of emotional detachment and build connections with others:

• Build a support system. On your path to understanding your emotions, an important step is to connect with people who support you. Building a support system has many mental and physical health benefits and can be an invaluable help as you begin to gain awareness of your emotions.
• Practice mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness is an ancient practice that can help you focus on the present moment, which can include your emotional response to an event or how you typically think about emotions in general. Learning how to practice mindfulness and meditation can help you build self-awareness and self-compassion. There are many types of meditation exercises that you can practice, so it is important to find out what works for you.
• Practice being emotionally vulnerable. Being vulnerable is an important part of any relationship, as it helps you build an authentic connection, creates a stronger bond, and breaks down emotional walls. Learning how to be vulnerable takes time and patience from you and those around you, so it’s important to have people who support you on this path.
• Connect with your creative self. Art can help you. Painting, drawing, knitting, writing poetry, working with clay, or even with flowers may help you connect with your emotions and deeper self. Creating art stimulates dopamine, one of the happiness hormones, and this increase might help you with anxiety, depression, or trauma symptoms (Campbell, 2010). You can try art therapy with a certified therapist, or you can get creative on your own at home. No matter your skill level, it’s something you could try.
  
• Seek professional help. Asking for help does not mean you are weak. If emotional detachment is affecting your life, talk to a therapist. A licensed mental health professional can help you work through difficult emotions with science-based interventions and techniques, which can help you reconnect with your emotions. There are numerous types of therapies and interventions that you can choose from, so it’s important to find one that works for you.

Articles Related to Emotional Detachment

Here are some more articles to read that can help you improve your emotional experiences and relationships:​

• Emotion: Definition, Theories, & Examples
• Emotion Regulation: Definition + 21 Strategies to Manage Emotions
• Forgiveness: Definition, Tips, & How to Do It

Books Related to Emotional Detachment​

Want to keep learning how to develop healthy emotional responses? Check out these books:​​

• How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain
• The Emotion Code: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions for Abundant Health, Love, and Happiness​​
• Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

Final Thoughts on Emotional Detachment

Emotions and feelings are an important part of human connection. Emotional detachment can happen for different reasons, but it can negatively affect you and important aspects of your life. That’s why learning how to manage emotional detachment in yourself and others can be key to having more satisfying social relationships.

Don't Forget to Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to
Grow Your Wellness Business Exponentially!

References

• ​​Boden, M. T., Westermann, S., McRae, K., Kuo, J., Alvarez, J., Kulkarni, M. R., ... & Bonn-Miller, M. O. (2013). Emotion regulation and posttraumatic stress disorder: A prospective investigation. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 32(3), 296-314.
• Campbell, E. R. (2010). The effectiveness of art therapy in reducing symptoms of trauma, anxiety, and stress: A meta-analysis. Wheaton College.
• Clohessy, S., & Ehlers, A. (1999). PTSD symptoms, response to intrusive memories and coping in ambulance service workers. British journal of clinical psychology, 38(3), 251-265.
• Colona & Buckman (2018, November 17). The common habit could be a sign of emotional detachment. The Zoe Report.
• Dvir, Y., Ford, J. D., Hill, M., & Frazier, J. A. (2014). Childhood maltreatment, emotional dysregulation, and psychiatric comorbidities. Harvard review of psychiatry, 22(3), 149.
• Feeny, N. C., Zoellner, L. A., Fitzgibbons, L. A., & Foa, E. B. (2000). Exploring the roles of emotional numbing, depression, and dissociation in PTSD. Journal of traumatic stress, 13(3), 489-498.
• Foa, E. B., & Hearst-Ikeda, D. (1996). Emotional dissociation in response to trauma. In Handbook of dissociation (pp. 207-224). Springer, Boston, MA.
• Gunther, R. (2020, December 31). The Danger of Emotional Detachment. Psychology Today.
• Litz, B. T., Litz, B. T., & Gray, M. J. (2002). Emotional numbing in posttraumatic stress disorder: Current and future research directions. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 36(2), 198-204.

Are You a Therapist, Coach, or Wellness Entrepreneur?

Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to Grow Your Wellness Business Fast!

Key Articles:

• Happiness​
• Well-Being
• Emotions
• Stress Management
• Self-Confidence
• Self-Care
• Manifestation
• ​All Articles...

Content Packages:

• All-Access Pass​
• ​​PLR Content Packages
• PLR Courses​