Emotional Support: Definition, Examples, and Theories

By Zamfira Parincu, BA, Researcher
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
What is emotional support and why you might want to learn how to give and receive emotional support? Discover how to build an emotional support system here.
Have you ever reached for your phone and texted a friend when you had a bad day? Or called your aunt to vent about that stressful family dinner? Did your colleague complain about the stressful day at work? If so, then you experienced the positive effects of emotional support. In this article, we’ll talk about emotional support, how to give and receive it, and what strategies you can use to build a support system.
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Many comedy shows depict emotional support as a group of friends hanging out together and chatting. In Friends, they were usually at their favorite coffee place. In The Big Bang Theory, they were sitting on a couch in their apartment. 
​
And although they are correct, that’s not everything there is about giving and receiving emotional support. There are many ways or environments emotional support can manifest, and it’s important to know what you want and what works best for you.

What Is Emotional Support? (A Definition)

Emotional support is an intentional verbal and nonverbal way to show care and affection for one another. By providing emotional support to another person, you offer them reassurance, acceptance, encouragement, and caring, making them feel valued and important (Burleson, 2003).
When you directly express affection and concern, when you reassure them that they are loved and important, you may help them cope with upset feelings or challenging situations. 
There are many potential places from where we can get emotional support:
  • Family
  • Significant other
  • Friends 
  • Colleagues
  • Counselors, such as therapists or social workers
  • Clergy 
  • Support groups 
  • Online groups and social networks
Receiving emotional support helps us cope with daily problems, stress, disappointments, or pain and makes us feel happier and more resourceful to deal with the troubles of life (Atoum & Al-Shobul, 2018). 

When you’re happy, you can share your joys with others. When you’re sad, you can have a shoulder to cry on. Despite the nature of our feelings or whatever happens in our lives, it is reassuring to know that we have people we can count on.  

Caring for someone and loving them is not the same thing. We need to learn how to show our love and support so that they can genuinely feel it. To learn this, check out the video below:

What Are the Benefits of Emotional Support?

Emotional support is a crucial part of any healthy relationship, and receiving it makes us feel valued and important. Decades of research has shown that having emotional support in your life has many benefits, including mental health and physical health (Taylor, 2011). Here are some more of these benefits:
  • Lower levels of anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression are the most common mental health issues that people face nowadays. During stressful times, emotional support helps us reduce psychological distress. Many studies have linked high emotional support with low levels of anxiety and depression. 
  • Less stress. Emotional support helps you cope with daily and chronic stress, which can negatively impact your physical and mental health.
  • Protection against Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Social support has been shown to protect against psychological distress after a traumatic event, such as 9/11. 
  • Lowered risk for cardiovascular disease.
  • Effective immune system functioning.
  • Faster recovery from surgery.
  • Fewer complications during pregnancy and childbirth.
  • Lower mortality. If you have higher emotional support, the likelihood of survival significantly increases. For instance, having social contacts predicted an average of almost 3 years for women and 2.3 years for men increased longevity.
  • Emotional intelligence. Studies have shown a significant relationship between emotional support and emotional intelligence (Atoum & Al-Shobul, 2018). 
  • Healthy development. A lack of emotional support from parents in childhood is associated with increased depressive symptoms and chronic disease in adulthood (Shaw et al., 2004). 
There are countless studies that highlight the positive effects of emotional support in our lives. However, nothing compares to actually seeing how critical and even life-saving emotional support can be. Battling stage III cancer, Matthew Lopez’s mom would say before and after chemo, “I’m here because you’re here.” 

You can watch his emotional and inspiring story that became a popular TEDx video below:

Video: Social Support as Cancer Therapy

Is Emotional Support the Same as Social Support?

Not exactly. Social support, a key characteristic of social relationships, is an umbrella term that encompasses four different types of support, including emotional support. 
The four types of support are:
  • Emotional support. Emotional support is an expression of empathy, love, and caring. For example, when a family member listens to you after a bad day at work or when your partner instills hope back into your life after a challenging period.
  • Instrumental support. Instrumental support is an actual service or tangible aid provided by someone. For example, your partner might work from home a few days a week to take care of the kids while you go to work.
  • Informational support. Informational support is the advice or information you receive and can be helpful for problem-solving. For instance, when your mom tells you her experience as a working woman and advises you what to do with your current boss.
  • Appraisal. In social support, appraisal refers to information that is helpful for self-evaluation and encouragement. Hearing your supervisor compliment your nonjudgemental listening skills and patience for problem-solving is an example of appraisal support that can be helpful for you to regain confidence that you chose the right career path. 

All types of support are important for our well-being. However, they play different roles in our lives. Sometimes, you need to have a loving conversation with your close friend about how you have been feeling recently, while sometimes you need to problem-solve with a coach to explore strategies that might make yourself feel better.

You can watch the video below from Khan Academy if you’d like to hear more examples of the different types of social support:

Video: Social Support

How to Emotionally Support Someone

Emotional support can take many shapes and sizes. It is important to understand not only what type of emotional support you can offer but also what type of emotional support the other person wants or needs to receive. 

For example, your partner might come home from work very stressed and want to recharge. While he would like to tell you all about his stressful day, you would like to show your emotional support by hugging or kissing instead of listening. So, what should you do?
  • Ask for what they need. Many researchers recommend asking your partner, or your friends, what type of support they would like to receive. Would they want you to provide an empathetic ear to their problems? To problem-solve with them? To talk about something else and provide a distraction? Similarly, you can signal to others what you would like them to do to better support you.
  • Connect and listen. It is essential to set aside time to listen to each other and to share thoughts. By practicing active listening and sharing, we build connection and trust, and the other person feels more supported in their struggles.
  • Ask questions. Be curious about what they are experiencing and ask questions in a gentle way so the other person doesn’t feel like they are questioned. Asking them about what they are feeling can also be helpful to put things into perspective and name their feelings.
  • Validate. When you validate someone, you are signaling to them that you recognize their distress and understand their perspective. Usually, seeing that they are understood and cared for can be extremely positive and help them recover faster. 
  • Offer physical affection. Who doesn’t need a hug? Hugging has many positive health benefits, such as reducing loneliness, negative moods, and stress. Not to mention hugs are a great way to connect and to build trust.
  • Give compliments. Saying nice things about your friends and family can feel very supportive. 
  • Keep the focus on the receiver. If you are providing emotional support, it will make the other person feel genuinely cared for if the focus of the conversation is on them. You can provide a short anecdote or reference, but it is important to keep the focus on them.
  • Check-in after. Sometimes, they might not want to talk about it, but it is still meaningful if you nicely ask how they are feeling. You don’t have to ask them every day or multiple times to show that you care.

​Although research shows the various benefits of receiving support, it also shows the importance of giving support. Studies have shown that providing support reduces the effect of disability and mortality (Gruenewald et al., 2007) and has a positive effect on blood pressure (Piferi & Lawler, 2006). 

Interestingly, those who give more support also get more support. This might happen because people feel better after helping others which improves their health, or because they are in a quality relationship in which they can reciprocate the positive behaviors and feelings (Reblin & Uchino, 2008)

Emotional Support Questionnaires and Scales

Receiving emotional support is an important part of every relationship, whether with your partner, family, or friends, with many benefits for your mental and physical health. 
                                         
To measure social support, researchers developed The Multidimensional Scale of Perceived Social Support (MSPSS), a tool that measures perceived social support from three sources: family, friends, and a special person (Zimet et al., 1988)
    
MSPSS is a test that has been widely used and well-validated in many cultures and with diverse populations, such as Chinese parents of children with cerebral palsy (Wang et al., 2017).
                
If you’re curious about the MSPSS or if you’d like to take the test, you can click on the link here.     

How to Build an Emotional Support System

Now that you read all about the positive benefits of emotional support, you may wonder how to build a system that works for you. 

As the saying goes, it does take a village. It is important to keep in mind that it might take time, but, in the end, the rewards are worth it.

  • Search, search, search. Emotional support can take many shapes and sizes and can be found in many places. Maybe you have a neighbor you can talk to about annoying construction noise or a colleague you can talk to about work. You can also find emotional support in online groups, such as groups for moms or amateur bakers.
  • Strengthen (or start building) the bonds with your family and friends. Perhaps you fell out of touch with your college friends or stopped calling your favorite aunt every now or then. That’s OK! You can reach out to them and start planning for catch-ups. You’d be surprised how many people will feel the same way and get excited about hanging out with you.
  • Embrace your interests. Think about what you currently like to do or always said you’ll start doing but didn’t find the right time. Yoga? Gardening? A book club? There are many activities and organizations you can join to meet new people and talk about your current interests.
  • Support groups. Support groups may be very helpful for certain types of illnesses, such as cancer or substance use, but they do not need to be centered around one to be effective. Research studies show that support groups can be useful because the people within one have similar experiences, and they fill in the gaps with other types of support you might get from friends or family. Also, this is how you can support others, increasing your sense of belonging and the support you receive too.
  • Be proactive. Setting aside time and putting in the effort is important. Sometimes it’s OK to be the one texting first or initiating a catch-up because healthy relationships take effort. You can also schedule a meeting with your college friends or invite the neighbors over for a glass of wine.
  • Use technology. Although it is very nice to go on walks or see a movie, sometimes it isn’t possible. And if the COVID pandemic taught us something, it is that technology can be our friend. You can call your friend who lives overseas or join a support group on social media platforms to give and receive emotional support.

Articles Related to Emotional Support

Want to learn more about how to build emotionally supportive relationships? Here are some more articles to read.​

Books Related to Emotional Support

Want to keep learning about emotional support? Check out these books:

Final Thoughts on Emotional Support

Emotional support is an extremely important and beneficial part of high-quality relationships. It can even improve our mental and physical health. So, it’s worth the time to learn how to give and receive emotional support.

References

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