Rapport: Definition & How to Build It

By Charlie Huntington, M.A., Ph.D. Candidate
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
What is rapport, and how do you build it with someone else? Read on to discover tips and techniques for building a good rapport with people in your professional and personal life.
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In all the relationships you have, you have a sense of the level of give-and-take between you and the other person. Think of your closest friend at work – there is just something about the way you relate to each other that works and feels better than it does with your other colleagues. One term we use for this sense you have about a relationship is rapport. This article aims to give you a clear sense of what rapport is, how it’s built, and how you can achieve greater rapport with the people who matter in your life.  ​
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What Is Rapport? (A Definition)

The English word rapport is based on the French verb rapporter, which means “to carry something back”. While the French definition doesn’t encompass all aspects of the English word, it offers a promising start. In fact, we might think of rapport as a way to describe how well two people are “carrying” a conversation or relationship together.

What does this “carrying” consist of? In general, rapport typically involves feeling positively toward each other, being focused on and invested in each other, and having a sense of harmony (Hall et al., 2009). Rapport is also present when we talk about feeling a “click” or “chemistry” between us and another person (Tickle-Degnen & Rosenthal, 1990).
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One friendship of mine started with immediate rapport. During my bus commute home one night, my seatmate glanced at my computer screen and asked a meaningful question about the research I was doing. As he asked follow-up questions, he turned toward me and listened actively. I sensed his genuine curiosity. I found myself wondering who this person was, why he was so interested in me. I asked questions back. It was easy to connect with him. We felt the rapport right away and we’re still close friends today.

The Opposite of Rapport

The opposite of rapport is the absence of warmth, attention, and caring. When a relationship lacks rapport, you do not feel compatible with the other person. Maybe you talk over each other or experience silences that go on a little too long. It doesn’t seem like you’re “getting” each other. Instead, you might find yourselves disagreeing or even feeling cold toward each other.

We have all had this experience at some point. Perhaps you’ve had a first date where you couldn’t find a conversational rhythm, and you quickly realized that the chemistry just wasn’t there. Maybe a salesperson overwhelmed you with information instead of actively listening to you, or a therapist seemed more interested in covering all their intake questions than empathically listening hearing your answers. What’s consistent across these situations is the experience of not feeling seen, understood, or cared for.

Good Rapport vs Bad Rapport

As many videos on YouTube will attest, good rapport can be developed in just a few short minutes. By showing an immediate interest in the other person, finding common ground with them, and being friendly and positive in your demeanor, you can quickly begin to build good rapport with another person.
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By contrast, bad rapport occurs when we repeatedly do things that make it hard for the other person to feel heard, valued, and positive. To use one example, as a therapist-in-training, I have heard from some of my clients about their experiences of bad rapport, describing how other therapists have interrupted them, used judgmental language, or acted as if they were more powerful and knowledgeable. (I must admit I sometimes make these mistakes, too!) Behaving this way towards others is a surefire way to establish bad rapport.

How Rapport Is Related to Trust

We know from research in the fields of psychology, medicine, and business that for trust to form in a relationship, good rapport must be established and maintained (Dang et al., 2017; Leslie & Lonneman, 2016; Macintosh, 2009). Therapists, doctors, and businesspeople alike practice their skills of rapport-building so that they can build profitable relationships with clients – whether the profit is a better health outcome or another car sold.
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If you search for videos about rapport on YouTube, you will find many videos offering training in these very life skills. Sometimes, they can make rapport sound like a means to an end – “build rapport to get the other person to do what you want them to do.” But good rapport is genuine, and we can often feel when the other person has ulterior motives. The best doctors, therapists, and salespeople are the ones who truly want to understand you and help you get what you need.

How to Build Rapport

Whatever their motives, all those talking heads do have great advice about how to build rapport. We can break down rapport-building into two elements – what you say and what you do.

When building rapport with another person, effective communication skills are essential (Leach, 2005). You can ask open-ended questions about the things that interest them, show curiosity about how the person thinks, show empathy, and do your best to paraphrase and summarize what you hear. Try to be attentive to and respectful of the other person’s values, beliefs, and the personality traits that make them who they are. You may find it helpful to share – although without interrupting – your own experiences that are closely related to theirs.

Your body language can also demonstrate your interest and openness toward the other person. Think of when you have felt most closely listened to. The person listening to you was probably engaging in some “mirroring​” and “matching” behaviors (Sharpley et al., 2001). They probably had their body oriented toward you, were seated or standing in a posture similar to yours, and may even have been imitating your hand gestures. 

Finally, as a clinician, I often instinctively raise and lower my voice to match my client’s vocal level. This seems to help our rapport in two ways: by helping me feel more of what they are feeling, and by showing my client that I recognize the feeling behind their words. ​

Questions to Build Rapport

In this TEDx Talk, successful businessman and bestselling author John DiJulius provides a helpful acronym (“FORD”) for coming up with rapport-building questions. Although he approaches the topic of rapport from the perspective of interacting with customers, I think these four categories work for building a connection with anybody in your life.

Family
  • “Tell me about your kids.”
  • “Who’s living with you at home?”
  • “Who are the most important people to you?”
Occupation
  • “What about your job do you really enjoy?”
  • “How did you get into that line of work?”
  • “What purpose do you find in your work?”
Recreation
  • “What do you look forward to doing on the weekends?”
  • “What do you do for fun these days?”
  • “How do you spend your downtime?”
Dreams
  • “What are your long-term goals?”
  • “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?”
  • “If you had more time to pursue your big dreams, what would you do?”​

Video: Building Rapport: Meet As Strangers, Leave As Friends

What Is Therapeutic Rapport?

Therapeutic rapport is the development of rapport between a care provider and a client. Since many people come to medical providers or psychotherapists with some degree of hesitation about disclosing exactly what they’re struggling with, therapeutic rapport is essential to successful treatment (Leach, 2005). If you are seeking mental health services, you probably have good rapport with your therapist when you feel respected, understood, empathized with, and like you and the therapist are collaborating to improve your well-being (Leach, 2005).

When clients feel this way, they are more motivated to follow through with treatment, whether that means showing up for appointments consistently, practicing skills at home, or taking medication regularly. Good rapport also makes clients feel safe self-disclosing what they’re going through, which leads to more effective diagnosis and better treatment outcomes (Cloitre et al., 2004; Krupnick et al., 1996).

Building Rapport With Clients, Customers, or Students

Here are some brief tips for connecting with clients, customers, and students. In all of these interactions, it helps to remember that there might be a power differential – one of you has something the other person wants, whether it’s money, knowledge, or help healing. Good rapport means bridging that power gap and making the relationship one of mutual respect and common ground.

Building Rapport with Students
If you’re an instructor of some kind, you can build rapport more easily with your students by showing that you are genuinely interested in their thoughts and opinions, that you respect their backgrounds and beliefs, and that you are learning together about your topic. This last point is particularly important: presenting your class as a collaborative and interactive experience can help students see themselves as active and participatory learners, not passive recipients of knowledge (Chickering & Gamson, 1987).

Building Rapport with Clients
Especially in the field of mental health, where clients often feel fear and shame regarding the difficulties they experience, being warm, interested, open, and nonjudgmental can help clients feel safe and understood (Harrigan & Rosenthal, 1983). As a therapist, I make a point of normalizing the experiences my clients have, especially those that seem particularly difficult. 

Building Rapport with Customers
Good rapport is also central to successful interactions in business settings: customers and salespeople alike believe that the quality of the relationship greatly influences whether purchases are made or contracts are signed (Gremler & Gwinner, 2000). If your professional role involves befriending customers, know that rapport with customers is optimized by using their names, building connections over shared experiences, and making it clear you understand what they’re looking for and that it matters to you that they get it (Gremler & Gwinner, 2000).

Articles Related to Rapport

Want to learn more about rapport? Here are some related articles that might be helpful.​

Books Related to Rapport

To keep learning about rapport, here are some books to explore:​​

Final Thoughts on Rapport

With all this talk about how to build rapport, I don’t want us to lose sight of something important: to really have rapport with someone, it is essential that your heart be in it. You have probably been on the receiving end of somebody’s energetic but inauthentic attempts to connect with you, and I doubt it felt good. So when you want to truly connect, I recommend taking a moment to focus on why the relationship truly matters to you. From that foundation, you can probably find the motivation, and the words, to build a connection based on positive feelings toward each other and a sense of mutual understanding and respect.

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