Covert Narcissism: Definition, Traits, & Tactics​

By Kelsey Schultz, Ph.D. Candidate
Do you know many narcissists? Given the subtleties of covert narcissism, the answer may surprise you. Keep reading to learn how to identify a covert narcissist.​
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Narcissism is a characteristic that many of us feel we are able to identify. We can look at the person that is self-obsessed, manipulative, overly confident, and lacking in empathy and correctly identify them as a narcissist. However, recent research has shown there is another form of narcissism that we may be less likely to identify: covert narcissism. Let’s talk more about what covert narcissism is and how we might recognize it.
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What Is a Covert Narcissist? (A Definition)​

The term covert describes something that is secretive, not readily apparent, or intended to be discreet. In the context of narcissism, covert narcissism (also called vulnerable narcissism) refers to narcissistic personality traits that are not readily apparent.

Covert narcissism is one of two manifestations of narcissism, the other being overt (or grandiose) narcissism (Rose, 2002). There are many similarities between overt and covert narcissism, but there are several important differences as well. Let’s briefly explore the defining characteristics of each expression of narcissism.

Overt/Grandiose Narcissism
​Overt narcissists are more easily identifiable and better understood by both researchers and the public. Below are a few common traits of this manifestation of narcissism:
​
  • Overconfidence
  • Manipulative tactics
  • Sense of superiority
  • Charm
  • Strong desire for power and status
  • Attention-seeking behavior
  • Self-absorption
  • Antagonism
  • Entitlement
  • Need to feel special

Covert/Vulnerable Narcissism
​Like overt narcissists, covert narcissists are self-absorbed, entitled, antagonistic, and manipulative, and they possess a strong need to feel special. However, there are other traits that are specific to this expression of narcissism. Below are a few commonly observed characteristics of covert narcissism:
​

Traits of a Covert Narcissist

Now that we have explored the difference between overt and covert narcissists, let’s dig a little deeper into what covert narcissism looks like. Below are some examples of behaviors and characteristics commonly associated with covert narcissism:

Victim Mentality

Covert narcissists tend to adopt a victim mentality and frequently cast themselves as the injured party in various situations. They may constantly seek sympathy and attention for their perceived suffering.

Manipulative Dependency

Covert narcissists may appear helpless and dependent on others for support and validation. They may use their apparent vulnerability to elicit caretaking behaviors from others.

Passive-Aggressiveness

Instead of directly expressing their anger or frustration, covert narcissists often resort to passive aggression. They may make veiled criticisms or engage in subtle acts of sabotage.

​Inferiority Complex

​Covert narcissists often feel deeply insecure and may harbor feelings of inadequacy. They cope with these feelings by seeking reassurance and admiration from others covertly.

​​Idealization and Devaluation

​Similar to overt narcissists, they tend to idealize people who provide them with narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, validation) and devalue those who do not meet their expectations.

​Lack of Empathy

Covert narcissists may struggle to genuinely empathize with others' feelings and experiences, as they are primarily focused on their own emotional needs and desires.

​Martyr Complex

They may play the role of the martyr, making sacrifices for others and expecting excessive gratitude and admiration in return. This behavior can create a sense of indebtedness in others.

​​Envy

Covert narcissists often feel envy toward those they perceive as more successful or accomplished. They may covertly compete with or undermine these individuals.

​Control Through Guilt

They may use guilt as a means of controlling others. They may make others feel responsible for their emotional well-being or use guilt trips to get what they want.

​Boundary Violation

Covert narcissists may have difficulty respecting others' boundaries. They may intrude on personal space, emotions, or relationships to satisfy their need for attention and validation.

Manipulative Pity

They often manipulate situations to gain sympathy and pity from others. They may exaggerate their problems or create crises to elicit help and support.​

Covert Narcissist Parents

With any behavioral characteristic or personality trait, there is always the question of nature vs. nurture. In other words, it is unclear if narcissism is a product of how someone is wired and is therefore unavoidable or if narcissism is learned or influenced by environmental factors. Scholars who study this psychopathology have speculated that narcissism may be a characteristic that is learned throughout development and that is influenced by parental behaviors.

Specifically, research has shown that there are some parental behaviors and personalities that are highly related to narcissism in their children. For example, inconsistent discipline and poor monitoring or supervision have been shown to be correlated with vulnerable narcissism (Mechanic & Barry, 2015). Studies have also shown that parents who lack warmth or empathy may contribute to the development of narcissism in their child (Mechanic & Barry, 2015).​

Covert Narcissists and Enmeshment​

Though a correlation between vulnerable narcissism and enmeshment has been found (Zeigler-Hill et al., 2011), the precise nature of this relationship is unknown. It is possible that covert narcissists will create an enmeshed relationship as a form of manipulation that allows them to meet their needs for validation and control.

Covert Narcissist Tactics

As previously mentioned, covert narcissists are strongly motivated by their need for approval and validation. To satisfy this need, they will employ self-presentation tactics. Self-presentation tactics are a two-component process of impression management that involve conscious or unconscious actions to control the way one’s self-image is conveyed to others (Hart et al., 2017). These components include impression motivation, or the desire to control how they are perceived by others, and impression construction, or the behaviors they use to cultivate or defend the image they want others to hold of them.

Self-presentation tactics can be divided into two categories: defensive and assertive. Defensive tactics are used to defend against threats to a preferred self-image. For example, if you wish to be perceived as infallible, you might make excuses to defend against the threat to this image when you get something wrong. Assertive tactics are used to construct a desired self-image. For example, bragging about winning a fight might be an assertive tactic someone who wishes to be perceived as dominant might use.  ​

Self-presentation tactics are employed differently by overt and covert narcissists. For example, overt narcissists tend to rely more heavily on assertive tactics while covert narcissists are more inclined to use both assertive and defensive tactics (Hart et al., 2017). Specifically, covert narcissism was found to be strongly related to the following self-presentation tactics:

Assertive

  • Enhancement: advertising and/or exaggerating the value of accomplishments or material possessions
  • Ingratiation: flattering, agreeing with, or helping others in order to be likable
  • Entitlement: actively taking credit (particularly undue credit) for positive outcomes
  • Blasting: speaking negatively of other people to look better by comparison
  • Supplication: presenting as weak in order to elicit sympathy from others

Defensive

  • Excuse-making: refusing to take responsibility for negative outcomes
  • Justifications: denying the severity or extent of undesirability of negative outcomes caused by their behavior
  • Disclaimers: making statements that will lower expectations prior to a performance
  • Self-handicapping: creating identifiable obstacles that will limit chances of success so they cannot be blamed in the case of failure

Covert Narcissist Victim Mentality

A victim mentality is a psychological and emotional state in which an individual perceives themselves as a perpetual victim of circumstances, other people, or external forces. People with a victim mentality tend to consistently attribute their problems, setbacks, and hardships to factors beyond their control, and they often avoid taking personal responsibility for their actions or decisions.

One of the hallmarks of narcissism is a pathological preoccupation with preserving their inflated self-image. It is possible that the obsessive need to feel extraordinary creates a compulsion to feel and act like a victim in any negative interpersonal interaction. In other words, narcissists tend to have a heightened sensitivity to and are easily threatened by the actions of other people (McCullough et al., 2003). Adopting a victim mentality helps them protect their self-image in the face of a “threat” by creating a narrative in which someone else is at fault.  

Additionally, some researchers suggest that the victim mentality that is common to vulnerable narcissists may be a product of what is known as hostile attribution bias (McCullough et al., 2003). Hostile attribution bias is a cognitive bias in which an individual consistently interprets ambiguous or neutral social situations as being indicative of hostile intentions or aggression from others. In other words, people with this bias tend to assume that others are out to harm them or have negative intentions, even when there is no clear evidence to support such interpretations (Hansen-Brown & Freis, 2021). It is suggested that vulnerable narcissists tend to feel victimized because they are interpreting the actions of others through this lens. That is, they already assume that other people are malicious, so any perceived transgressions appear to be the product of malintent.

Covert Narcissists and Jealousy

Narcissists use jealousy induction tactics such as appearing unattached/uncommitted, pursuing attractive alternatives, flirting, and discussing attractive mate alternatives (Tortoriello et al., 2017). Jealousy induction is defined as any behavior that is designed to create perceived threats to the relationship for the partner via the presence of a rival (Tortoriello et al., 2017).

Scholars have proposed five possible motives for jealousy induction (Tortoriello et al., 2017):
​
  1. Power/control
  2. Revenge
  3. Testing/strengthening the relationship
  4. Security
  5. Compensating for low self-esteem

Vulnerable narcissists may be especially inclined to use this tactic, as they are known to endorse a game-playing love style that involves deception, manipulation, and distancing (Tortoriello et al., 2017).​

Covert Narcissists and Splitting

Splitting is a defense mechanism in which people, situations, or concepts are viewed as either all good or all bad without any middle ground or gray areas. Splitting has been found to be associated with covert narcissism, though it seems to be a mechanism more commonly employed by overt narcissists (Kampe et al., 2021).

Covert Narcissists and Gaslighting​

Gaslighting is a form of psychological or emotional abuse that involves an abuser manipulating and controlling a victim/survivor’s perception of reality by making them seem or feel “crazy” (March et al., 2023). Gaslighting tactics include misdirection, denial, lying, and contradiction. These tactics all serve the purpose of destabilizing the abuser’s target in order to prevent them from seeking or receiving help and support.

To date, very little research has directly investigated the propensity for covert narcissists to use gaslighting tactics. One study, however, has shown that covert narcissists are more likely to find gaslighting tactics acceptable (March et al., 2023). The authors speculate that this is due to the hypersensitivity to rejection, feelings of inadequacy, and inability to receive negative feedback common among covert narcissists. Specifically, it is suggested that gaslighting tactics seem acceptable to covert narcissists because they allow them to avoid threats to their vulnerable egos.

Covert Narcissists and Ghosting

Ghosting is a common phenomenon, but only in recent years has it become a popular topic of scientific inquiry. Researchers define ghosting as the indirect termination of a relationship with a romantic interest/partner via the silencing of communication (Jonason et al., 2021). Current evidence supports a relationship between narcissism and this approach to exiting a relationship (Jonason et al., 2021; Willis et al., 2023). For example, one study examined the behavior and personality characteristics of 313 online daters and found that vulnerable narcissism was highly correlated with past instances of ghosting (Willis et al., 2023).

Ghosting is thought to be an appealing strategy for narcissists in part because they commonly lack the empathy required to engage in the challenging experience of actively terminating a relationship (Jonason et al., 2021). In other words, breaking up with someone sucks, so doing it requires caring about the way someone feels. Additionally, narcissists might be more inclined to ghost people because they tend to prefer passive-aggressive social strategies (Jonason et al., 2021).

Articles Related to Covert Narcissism​

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Books Related to Covert Narcissism​

If you’d like to keep learning more, here are a few books that you might be interested in.

Final Thoughts on Covert Narcissism​

Covert narcissists are similar to overt narcissists in their self-absorption and entitlement, but they possess personality characteristics that make them more challenging to identify. They tend to be hypersensitive to the opinions of others, they often feel inferior, and they can come across as shy. They tend to use manipulative tactics in their interpersonal relationships in order to meet their need for validation and approval. It is unclear why some people exhibit covert narcissistic tendencies, but research suggests that parenting style may account for the development of the personality characteristics associated with covert narcissism. For more on covert narcissism, check out this video:

Video: The Mind of a Covert Narcissist​

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