Victim Mentality: Definition, Examples, & How to Overcome It​

By Beth Birenbaum, MPH
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
If you know someone who consistently “plays the victim”  they may be approaching life from a victim mentality. Let’s learn more about this mindset and how to overcome it.​
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Why me?! Most of us feel this way at one time or another. But if you’re feeling like this most of the time, you may be falling into a victim mentality.
 
Feeling like a victim once in a while is understandable. Life can be hard. Bad things happen to all of us. But when this attitude becomes a part of your identity and colors your approach to every situation, it can have harmful effects on your mental well-being, relationships, and overall life satisfaction.​
In this article, we’ll look at what victim mentality is, give some examples, and explore ways to stop this unhelpful way of thinking.​
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What Is Victim Mentality? (A Definition)​

The term “victim mentality” refers to the unreasonable belief that you’re always a victim, in almost all interactions and situations. When someone approaches life with this perspective, they believe that bad things will always happen to them, that others are to blame, and that there’s nothing they can do to change it. There’s a feeling of no control or helplessness (Merriam-Webster, 2023).

It’s important to note that this isn’t a temporary feeling. It’s natural to feel exploited or abused after we’ve been treated unjustly or someone has hurt us. But with a victim mentality, you’re unable to move past it. Feeling like a victim becomes part of you who you are (Gabay et al., 2020)  

In addition, when you have a victim mentality, you tend to view any unpleasant situation or interaction as a personal affront. This perspective can have harmful effects on work, relationships, and mental health.

Video: What Is Victim Mentality​

Opposite of Victim Mentality

The opposite of victim mentality is having a sense of agency, control, and empowerment. It includes the belief that you can change your circumstances, despite bad things that have happened to you or injustices inflicted by others. There’s a belief that you can take responsibility for your future. Instead of being passive because you think nothing will change no matter what you do, you take action because you believe that your efforts can improve your situation.​

Victim Mentality vs Actual Victim

With a victim mentality, the person has an unreasonable image of themselves as a victim.  Sometimes a victim mindset can develop without any experiences of severe victimization (Gabay et al., 2020). By contrast, an actual victim has been through an experience (or experiences) that most of us would also see as abuse or injustice.
 
However, real experiences of traumatic events do often contribute to developing a victim mentality. But not always. Many of us experience trauma without thinking bad things will always keep happening or that nobody can be trusted. With a victim mentality, it has become part of your identity. Playing the victim becomes a personality trait. This is not the case for many actual victims. In fact, many who have been through trauma prefer not to identify with those experiences.

Victim Mentality Signs

  • Need for recognition: People with a victim mentality need others to recognize their victimhood and empathize with them. Most of us find comfort when others acknowledge our pain and validate our feelings (Gaby et al., 2020). But for some, this becomes a continuous need, even for events that most of us would not consider victimization. 
  • Rumination: A sign of victim mentality is excessive thinking about injustices you’ve endured and the pain it’s caused you. When you’re engaged in this thought pattern, the focus is on the causes of problems and your distress rather than possible solutions (Gabay et al., 2020, Gollwitzer et al., 2015).
  • Blaming others: With a victim mentality, there’s a belief that everything bad in your life is a result of others’ actions. Of course, sometimes people do harmful things to each other. But with a victim mentality, the tendency is to never take responsibility for anything negative in your life. It’s always someone else’s fault.
  • Moral elitism: Moral elitism refers to the belief that you are morally superior to everyone else. This may be used to control others by accusing them of being immoral, unfair, or selfish while claiming that you are highly ethical. Researchers suggest this could be a defense mechanism against emotional pain (Gabay et al., 2020).
  • Unwilling to forgive: People with a victim mentality are less willing to forgive others, especially if the offender didn’t take the “first step” to make amends. This is related to moral elitism and a tendency to seek revenge (Gabay et al., 2020).
  • Sense of entitlement: An increased sense of entitlement may come from the belief that they are always treated unfairly and therefore deserve special treatment and to be compensated for their suffering. In addition, because of their perceived mistreatment, they tend to believe they’re entitled to treat others the same (Gabay et al., 2020). 
  • Lack of empathy: People with a victim mentality tend to focus on their suffering so much that they can’t see the suffering of others (Gaby et al., 2020).
  • Lack of trust: Another sign of victim mentality is assuming others have malicious intent. For example, if someone accidentally bumps into them, they’ll assume it was intentional and that person doesn’t like them. 
  • Helplessness and passivity: People with a victim mentality feel powerless to change their circumstances and display a passive attitude toward their lives. When someone offers advice or solutions, people with a victim mentality always find reasons why the suggestions won’t work. It’s easy to see why this can be frustrating and even off-putting for the person trying to help. This behavior can hurt relationships and ultimately confirm the belief that bad things always happen.

Causes of Victim Mentality​

  • Past trauma: Experiences of significant trauma can contribute to developing a victim mentality as a coping mechanism. Experiences may involve emotional or physical or mental abuse, bullying, discrimination, or social rejection (Gabay et al., 2020). These traumatic experiences can shape their perception of the world as an unsafe and hostile place, leading them to believe they are destined to be victims. 
  • Observation: Witnessing the victimization of others can also play a role, especially if the abuse involved someone close to you (Gollwitzer et al., 2015). Also, if you consistently witness others adopting a victim mentality, you may come to believe this is the norm and mimic those patterns of thinking.
  • Broken trust: We have a basic human need to trust others. Experiencing betrayal, especially at critical points in childhood or adolescence, can lead to a heightened sense of injustice or mistreatment. Your experience taught you that trusting others leads to emotional pain. So to protect yourself, you approach others with suspicion and expect the worst (Gollwitzer et al., 2015).  
  • Personal traits: Some of us are naturally more sensitive to victimization and have a harder time overcoming difficult experiences. While this can be a contributing factor to developing a victim mentality, studies show that this personality trait can be influenced by the environment, so it can be changed (Gollwitzer et al., 2015). Also, being more sensitive to victimization doesn’t always lead to a victim mentality—it doesn’t have to become your identity.
  • Environment: We tend to seek out others who are like us. So, if you have a victim mentality, you tend to select similarly-minded friends. Surrounding yourself with others that agree with you reinforces and solidifies your perceptions and beliefs (Gollwitzer et al., 2015). 
  • Cognitive Biases: Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias and selective attention, can contribute to and reinforce a victim mentality. People with a victim mentality may selectively focus on information that supports their beliefs while ignoring information that refutes it. Or they may interpret information in a way that supports their victim narrative and discount information to the contrary.

Examples of Victim Mentality

  • In politics: Trump encouraged supporters to feel like victims of society (or “the system”). He also portrayed himself as one of them, a fellow victim, despite his wealth and success (Armaly & Enders, 2021). 
  • Assumption of harm: When you have a victim mindset, you tend to approach new people with suspicion even when there’s no reason to do so. A study showed that people who lean toward a victim mentality were more distrustful of angry and neutral faces (Gollwitzer et al., 2015).
  • Resistance to trying new things: A common attitude with a victim mentality is “It will fail, so why bother”. 
  • At work: Someone with a victim mentality may believe that colleagues are deliberately trying to sabotage their success. They tend to talk about how their work never gets recognized, but rather than seeking feedback or taking responsibility, they blame others for their lack of progress.
  • In relationships: When unhappy in their primary relationship, someone with a victim mindset puts all the blame on their partner and refuses to consider ways they may be contributing. Whenever there’s a disagreement, they portray themselves as the one who is always hurt and wronged, regardless of the circumstances. ​

Victim Mentality Disorder

Victim mentality isn’t recognized as a disorder by psychologists. It’s more of a personality trait or mindset. In academic articles, the more formal name “Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood (TIV)” may be used (Gabay et al., 2020). However, the term TIV focuses mostly on the interpersonal aspects of victim mentality.

Although it’s not considered a disorder by itself, a victim mentality can be a feature of other mental health conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression. In both of these conditions, people sometimes see themselves as helpless or powerless which are characteristics of victim mentality.​

How to Overcome Victim Mentality

  • Recognize: When a thinking pattern becomes ingrained, it can be hard to see it. It just feels like the way things are. So the first step is to self-reflect, to identify the negative thinking pattern. (We can’t change something unless we see it.) Things to look at include the signs and behaviors listed above. 
  • Practice mindfulness and awareness: Take time to contemplate your emotions, behavior, and thoughts instead of reacting impulsively to people and situations. Observing your inner experiences without judgment can help you recognize victim thinking patterns.
  • Challenge negative thought patterns: For example, do bad things always happen to you? Is it true that not nothing can be done to change things? In addition, if you suffered past trauma, it may help to focus on the fact that you are no longer in a threatening situation. Self-protective behavior is no longer needed.
  • Practice gratitude: I struggle with this one. It just seems a little “new agey”. But there’s science showing it’s effective for improving mental health and well-being (Boggiss et al., 2020). Psychologists suggest a daily practice of writing down several things that you’re thankful for. This helps us to see that we’re not always a victim and give a more positive outlook.
  • Change your environment: Spend more time around people who are supportive and positively minded. As mentioned earlier, the tendency toward a victim mindset is partially influenced by your environment, which is something we have some control over. 
  • Learn from experiences: Everyone experiences challenges and failures. But instead of viewing setbacks as evidence of victimhood, look at them as opportunities for growth and learning. This can be hard when you feel stuck in that victim mindset, but if you can think of it as fuel for becoming stronger and more resilient, it can help get you “unstuck”.
  • Help someone else: Not only will this get the focus off yourself, but it can make you feel more empowered, showing that you can change things and make a difference. And helping others just feels good.

Victim Mentality vs Survivor Mentality

In many ways, survivor mentality is the opposite of victim mentality. It’s characterized by an attitude of resilience and empowerment. There’s a determination to bounce back from setbacks and to learn from past experiences, even horrible ones. When we have a survivor mentality we take a proactive approach to overcoming difficulties or trauma. Underlying a survivor mentality is a strong belief that you can overcome past victimization through action.

It’s important to note that this is not a dichotomy—you are not either a victim or a survivor. You can recognize that yes, you have been victimized and may even want others to feel sorry for your experiences. But you can still believe in your ability to overcome circumstances or change your situation (Leisenring, 2006).​

Victim Mentality and Manipulation

A victim mentality can be manipulative in several ways:
​
  • Emotional manipulation: Constantly focusing on one’s struggles can be used to evoke sympathy. By playing the victim, they can gain emotional support and resources from others.
  • Guilt-tripping: People with a victim mindset may exaggerate or distort their experiences to elicit strong emotional responses, making others feel guilty or responsible for the other person’s hardships. This “guilt-tripping” is used as a way to manipulate others to get them to do what they want. Guilt-tripping may also be used as a means to gain control over the relationship.
  • Blame-shifting: As mentioned above, a victim mentality typically involves blaming others for problems or hardships. With this tactic, they avoid taking responsibility and make others feel accountable for their perceived victimhood. 
  • Dependency creation: By perpetuating their victimhood, they keep others invested in their well-being, ensuring continued assistance and resources.
  • Attention-seeking: People with a victim mentality actively seek attention by monopolizing conversations with talk of their constant struggles. This manipulates others into providing reassurance and validation. ​

Victim Mentality and Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is characterized by intense and unstable moods, difficulties with self-identity, and problems with interpersonal relationships (APA, 2023). Childhood trauma, especially caregiver abuse, is considered a primary contributor to BPD. Further, children who experience bullying were seven times more likely to develop BPD symptoms (Bozzatello, et al., 2021). 

This abuse brings mistrust of others, a main contributor to developing a victim mentality. Also, the emotional lability that comes with the disorder increases the tendency to see new events as threatening and traumatic (Bozzatello, et al., 2021). Another reason victim mentality is common for those living with BPD is they may feel like a victim of the disorder itself. It can feel like your brain is betraying you and you’re helpless to overcome it. However, this video offers some good advice: 

Video: How to Overcome a Victim Mentality When You Live with BPD

Narcissistic Victim Mentality

Those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) typically view themselves as powerful. But is it possible that they can simultaneously see themselves as a victim?

First, narcissism does share a couple of things with a victim mentality. These include a strong focus on the self and a sense of entitlement. In addition, narcissists may play the victim if they believe it will help them attain a goal. Obviously, this is a form of manipulation, which also fits in with victim mentality. 

However, narcissists may truly have a victim mentality. Studies show that narcissistic people perceive themselves as victims and see others’ behavior as hurtful more often than less narcissistic people (McCullough et al., 2003, Gabay et al., 2020). They may also be motivated to portray themselves as victims to avoid taking accountability for their failures, thus maintaining their grandiose vision of themselves (McCullough et al., 2003).​

Articles Related to Victim Mentality​

​Want to learn more? Check out these articles:

Books Related to Victim Mentality​

If you’d like to keep learning more, here are a few books that you might be interested in.

Final Thoughts on Victim Mentality​

Unfortunately, most of us will experience some sort of mistreatment at one time or another. And it’s pretty much impossible to avoid going through difficult situations. It can be hard to recover from these things, and it’s tempting to sink into a vortex of self-pity. (I know…I’ve been there.)
 
But falling into a victim mentality usually makes things worse, and it can strain relationships or lead to more serious emotional issues like depression. Or it can lead to self-protective behavior which holds us back from taking risks and having new experiences.
 
Taking proactive steps can help. Both a victim mentality and a survivor mentality can be self-perpetuating. When we take actions to improve our situation (even small ones) and then see a positive result, we feel empowered and are motivated to do it again. 

“Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.” - Erica Jong​

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