Self-Regulation: Definition, Skills, & Strategies

​By Tchiki Davis, MA, PhD

What is self-regulation? How do you build skills that aid self-regulation? And why might you want to? Here’s everything you need to know about regulating yourself and controlling your behavior.​

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Do you ever wonder why we humans act differently than each other? Why do some people indulge in sweet treats when they're on a diet while others seem to manage not eating junk food on a diet? Well, it all comes down to self-regulation—or how well we control our own behavior. In this article, we’ll talk about the science behind self-regulation and offer some strategies to help you regulate your behavior.

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What Is Self-Regulation? (A Definition)

Self-regulation is defined as the mental processes we use to control our mind’s functions, states, and inner processes. Or, self-regulation may be defined as control over oneself. It may involve control over our thoughts, emotions, impulses, appetites, or task performance. Self-regulation is often thought to be the same thing as self-control (Vohs & Baumeister, 2004) and it usually involves stopping or inhibiting an action although it sometimes involves initiating an action (Baumeister, 2014).

Behavioral self-regulation versus cognitive self-regulation
Self-regulation may be behavioral or cognitive (or both).

​Behavioral self-regulation involves controlling behavior. We might opt not to punch someone in the face or we might opt to practice the violin in preparation for a recital. We are engaging (or not engaging) in a behavior.

Cognitive self-regulation involves the control of thoughts. Maybe we try not to think about our romantic partner who just broke up with us or we try to shift our thoughts to being thankful for our mom even when she is annoying us. Often, cognitive self-regulation precedes behavioral self-regulation. That’s because shifting our thoughts is often a key step in changing our behavior.

Conscious self-regulation versus unconscious self-regulation
Self-regulation can also be conscious or nonconscious. For example, we might consciously control our anxiety by engaging in a technique like deep breathing. Or, we might unconsciously regulate our anxiety by having an inherent habit of focusing on other things that make us less anxious. It’s also possible that self-regulation can fall somewhere in between conscious and unconscious (Vohs & Baumeister, 2004). ​

What Is Self-Regulation in Psychology?

In psychology, self-regulation has come to mean regulation by the self, not just of the self. For example, we actively regulate or control whether or not we go to the gym, eat a piece of cake, or have a positive attitude. But we don’t actively regulate things like body temperature, so this would not be considered self-regulation (Vohs & Baumeister, 2004). 

Psychologists study self-regulation because it provides insight into why we do the things we do. Self-regulation plays a role in alcoholism, self-harm, smoking, drug addiction, emotional eating, excessive spending, crime, emotional dysregulation, underachievement, procrastination, sexual behavior, and more. 

Psychologists also believe that self-regulation is a huge part of what the “self” is. Along with things like self-concept, personality traits, and identity, it makes up who we are at the core (Vohs & Baumeister, 2004). This makes self-regulation a very important process to understand, as we can use insights from self-regulation research to more easily control our behavior. ​

Examples of Self-Regulation

Self-regulation may be seeming a bit murky to you still. So here are some examples of self-regulation:

• Bruce has just quit smoking and when someone offers him a cigarette, he says, “No thanks.”
• Amelia has a test tomorrow and even though she doesn’t like the subject matter, she forces herself to study all night long.
• Elijah is on a diet and attends a BBQ with friends. Instead of eating a big plate filled with burgers, chips, and cake, he settles for a salad.
• Liam wants to run a marathon, so every day he gets himself up early in the morning and goes for a run to prepare.
• Gianna has chickenpox and they itch like crazy, but she stops herself from itching them.
• Mateo is on a tight budget so he stops himself from buying his morning latte to save a few more dollars.
• Muhammed is exhausted from a stressful week, but he pulls himself out of bed to go to work.
• Hazel is on vacation, but she still makes sure that she checks her email to ensure everything is going okay at work.
• Nora is feeling anxious about a date she’s going on that night so she forces the thoughts out of her head and distracts herself with a TV show.
• Jaden is mindlessly scrolling on social media. Suddenly, in a moment of self-realization, he sees that this is not what he’s supposed to be doing right now and puts his phone down.

As you can see, self-regulation is everywhere. It’s really anything that we force ourselves to do or not to do.

Self-Regulation Theory

​There is no one theory of self-regulation. That being said, theories of self-regulation don’t differ so much that we really need to focus on their differences in this article. Overall, theories suggest that goals drive our behavior. Things like emotions, values, and priorities affect which goals we pursue and how we pursue them (Vohs & Baumeister, 2004).

It is also thought that self-regulation involves feedback loops by which we evaluate how well our behavior is helping us reach our personal goals. For example, if our goal is to save a certain amount of money each month, we might continually ask ourselves whether or not we should make a given purchase. Then, once we’ve saved enough for that month, we might stop engaging in self-regulation related to saving money for the rest of the month (Baumeister, 2014).

When self-regulation strength runs low
In recent years, a lot of research has focused on the idea that we have a limited amount of self-regulation strength at any given time and we regularly experience something called “ego depletion”. Ego depletion is when our self-regulation strength is low. For example, when we’re tired or hungry, we may experience ego depletion and struggle more to control our behavior. 

In our modern world, advertisers use this insight to their advantage by selling us things at night, when we have lower self-regulation strength and a harder time stopping ourselves from buying things.

Researchers suggest that ego depletion undermines self-regulation because urges to act are felt more intensely and our ability to restrain ourselves is lower. Indeed, research has shown that any number of taxing experiences can make it harder to regulate our behavior. For example, suppressing emotions, blocking intrusive thoughts, and resisting eating chocolate are all experiences that make it harder to subsequently engage in self-control (Baumeister, 2014).

Video: A Trick for Increasing Self-Control

Dan Ariely talks about how we lack self-control because we overfocus on immediate benefits at the expense of long-term benefits. He then offers ideas for how to control ourselves more easily.

Self-Regulation Skills

So what can you do to increase your self-regulation strength? How might you use tricks to control yourself better? Here are some ideas:

Make it hard to lose self-control
In Dan Ariely’s Ted Talk (above), he shares a bunch of examples of how bad habits were stopped simply by making it really unpleasant or impossible to engage in these behaviors. For example, he mentions an alarm clock that donates to a charity you hate every time you hit the snooze button. That may be an extreme example, but often it's the most extreme examples that work best.

Here are some other, simpler tricks that can make self-control a bit easier by making it hard to engage undesired behaviors:

• Dieting. Remove all junk food from the house. Place a bowl of healthy snacks on the counter (like apples). Keep a healthy snack with you at all times so you don’t resort to buying junk food.
• Smoking. Throw away all cigarettes. Try not to spend time with smokers. Go to places where smoking is not allowed.
• Using your smartphone. Remove all tempting apps from your phone. Change your home screen to greyscale to make it less enticing. Plug your phone in in the living room instead of your bedroom so you’re less likely to use it at night. Check out my book Outsmart Your Smartphone for more tips.
• Studying. Make a bet with your friend that you’ll get an A and if you don’t then you have to pay them money.
• Waking up early. Put your alarm clock on the other side of the room so you have to get up to hit the snooze button.
• Exercising. Put your shoes and workout clothes next to your bed. Agree to meet a friend at the gym every day so you’ll feel guilty if you don’t show up.

Give yourself homework to boost self-regulation skills
One study showed that kids actually develop self-regulation skills through homework. Homework involves motivating yourself, inhibiting distractions, sticktoitiveness, managing time, setting goals, self-reflecting on efforts, and delay of gratification (Ramdass & Zimmerman, 2011). 

Although homework is something that may more often be used to help kids boost self-regulation, it can be used with adults too. We can give ourselves “homework” assignments that require us to develop these same life skills. For example, we might give ourselves the following homework assignments:

• Spend 30 minutes per day using a foreign language app to learn a new language.
• Study for an exam that can help us get an advanced degree or certification.
• Take an online course.
• Spend part of the workday typing with the correct fingers (if we do not yet use conventional typing).
• Devote a few hours on Saturdays to developing a new skill like car mechanics or carpentry.

By regularly working towards building new skills, we hone our ability to regulate our behavior and it gets easier to practice self-control.

Reward ourselves for successful self-regulation
In general, we are likely to do any action more often if we feel rewarded for doing it. So it may be helpful to find ways to reward ourselves when we engage in the desired actions. For example, the most successful diet I ever did, I rewarded myself for every 2 pounds lost. I made myself a list of prizes for reaching each goal, and as I lost more weight the prizes got better and better. I got myself makeup and clothes and books and other fun things. The rewards kept me motivated even when I wanted to quit.

Here are some other rewards that you might want to use when striving to maintain self-control:

• Self-care rewards like a massage or hot spring visit
• Vacations
• Small items you don’t normally buy for yourself
• Extra time doing a hobby you enjoy
• Letting yourself sleep in

In general, it can be doubly helpful if your rewards are things that are good for your well-being. That way, you not only get to change your behavior and reach your goals, you’ll also be reducing stress along the way.

Self-Regulation of Emotions

​So far we’ve mostly been talking about behavioral self-regulation. But another commonly studied type of self-regulation is emotional self-regulation (more often referred to as emotion regulation). There are many different ways in which we can engage in emotional self-regulation. Here are a few:

• Reappraisal. Reappraisal is when we think about something in a more positive or less negative way in order to change our emotions.  Reappraisal is the strategy people are referring to when they say, “look for silver linings.”
• Selective attention. We can also engage in emotional self-regulation by refocusing our attention. Instead of ruminating on all the bad things that happened, we can instead try to think about the positive things we have or the things we’re thankful for.

Distraction. Another common type of emotional self-regulation is distraction. Often, we use distraction when we don’t want to think about something negative. Maybe we watch TV or play on our phones to preoccupy our minds with other things.

Video: The Secret to Self-Control (And Self-Regulation)

Articles Related to Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is a skill that you build over time and that is refueled each day. To keep learning skills that can help regulate your behavior (and thoughts and emotions), here are a few more good articles to check out.​

• ​Emotional Skills: 25 Skills That Improve Your Life
• ​How To Practice Emotional Control
• ​Self-Management: Definition, Skills & Strategies​
• Control Freak: Definition, Psychology, & Characteristics

Books Related to Self-Regulation

These books may be helpful in your continued exploration of self-regulation:

• Mastering Self-Control
• The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It
• Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life
• Self-Regulation and Mindfulness: Over 82 Exercises & Worksheets for Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, & Autism Spectrum Disorder
• The Self-Regulation Workbook for Kids: CBT Exercises and Coping Strategies to Help Children Handle Anxiety, Stress, and Other Strong Emotions​

Final Thoughts on Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is a basic human process that is at the core of so much that we do. Hopefully, in this article, you learned a bit more about what self-regulation is and found some tricks to help you engage in greater self-control.

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References

• ​Baumeister, R. F. (2014). Self-regulation, ego depletion, and inhibition. Neuropsychologia, 65, 313-319.
• Ramdass, D., & Zimmerman, B. J. (2011). Developing self-regulation skills: The important role of homework. Journal of advanced academics, 22(2), 194-218.
• Vohs, K. D., & Baumeister, R. F. (2004). Understanding self-regulation. Handbook of self-regulation, 19.

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