​Kindness: Definition, Ideas, & Examples

Kindness: Definition, Ideas, & Examples

What is the definition of kindness and how do you bring more kindness into your life? Discover ways to show and practice kindness that boost your happiness and well-being.

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Definition of Kindness

Kindness has been defined as actions intended to benefit others. It may also be defined as "having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature, and as encompassing gentleness, respect, amiability, and concern" (Johnstone, 2010).

Some have suggested that kindness should be distinguished from "acts of kindness" or ethical behavior because true kindness—the type of kindness that improves our well-being—comes from a desire to be kind. In fact, practicing kindness when you don't want to can make you feel obligated or even resentful. That's why I believe each person needs to define kindness in their own way.

What Is Kindness to You?

If we want to increase our happiness and well-being, we need to engage in acts of kindness that feel right for us. For example, let's say Jane decides to be kind by volunteering at a women's health clinic. If Jane is pro-choice, this might make her feel great. But if Jane is pro-life, this type of kindness and volunteering might make her feel awful. All this is to say that before engaging in acts of kindness, we should take a moment to think through what kindness means to us and what types of kindness would make us feel good.

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Why Choose Kindness?

Across many studies, kindness has been linked to greater well-being. For example, research has looked at spending money on others as well as practicing random acts of kindness as two common ways that people can increase happiness through kindness. Importantly, the benefits of kindness don't seem to depend on who we give our kindness to—being kind to strong ties, weak ties, and self have equally positive effects on happiness (Rowland & Curry, 2019). Indeed, a growing consensus in the happiness field suggests that kindness may just be the best way to increase happiness.

Video: Random Acts of Kindness

Acts of Kindness

There are multiple different types of kindness. One analysis of the research identified the four types below (Curry et al., 2018).

1. Kin Altruism
This is our natural tendency to be kind to our families. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective because positive relationships within the family were likely to help the family survive and succeed.

2. Mutualism
We tend to be kind towards members of our own communities. Mutualism helps explain things like loyalty, solidarity, and camaraderie, as we often strive to be kind to members of the groups we are part of.

3. Reciprocal Altruism
We actually are kinder to people who have been kind to us in the past. This helps explain why we return favors and why we are grateful to people who do us favors.

4. Competitive Altruism
We are more likely to be kind to others when it enhances our status. Ever notice yourself being nicer to the boss or someone popular? That's competitive altruism at work.

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Loving-Kindness Meditation

Loving-kindness mediation is growing in popularity given its success in boosting positive emotions and other positive outcomes. Loving-kindness meditation is a meditation that's used to increase feelings of warmth and caring for self and others. It involves quiet contemplation that directs one’s emotions toward warm and tender feelings they have about themselves and others.

To start the loving-kindness meditation, first focus on your heart region and think about a person you already feel warm and kind feelings for. Then extend these kind feelings yourself. Next, extend them to a wider circle of friends and family. Then extend these feelings to acquaintances, strangers, then everyone (Fredrickson et al., 2008).

This practice can not only help you generate positive emotions, but it can also help you build the intention of kindness, and when this is practiced more in your daily life, it can further promote happiness and well-being. You can find the best loving-kindness meditations here.

Video: Guided Loving-Kindness Meditation

Kindness Rocks

Another way to practice and spread kindness is with kindness rocks. Kindness rocks are little painted rocks with quotes and kind words on them. You can take one when you need one or leave one for someone else to take later. Here are some examples and inspiration.

Kindness Quotes

Here are some kindness quotes that may give you inspiration to be kind:

Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up. -Jesse Jackson
A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men. -Thomas Carlyle
An egoist lives in poverty. A kind person lives in abundance. -Maxime Lagacé
Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much. -Blaise Pascal
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. -Mark Twain

World Kindness Day

Don't forget to celebrate world kindness day on November 13th!

Activities to Develop Kindness

Gratitude Note

Gratitude is the process by which we feel or express thanks for someone or something in our lives. In this activity, you learn one way to practice gratitude for others.

Assertiveness

For this activity, you are going to reflect a bit on your interpersonal style to make sure that you are relating to others in ways that are fair to you. In this emotion activity, you learn the emotion skill, assertiveness, to better advocate for yourself and others.

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References

Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Van Lissa, C. J., Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., & Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 76, 320-329.
Fredrickson, B. L., Cohn, M. A., Coffey, K. A., Pek, J., & Finkel, S. M. (2008). Open hearts build lives: positive emotions, induced through loving-kindness meditation, build consequential personal resources. Journal of personality and social psychology, 95(5), 1045.
Johnstone, M. J. (2010). On the matter of human kindness. Australian Nursing Journal: ANJ, The, 17(7), 32.
Rowland, L., & Curry, O. S. (2019). A range of kindness activities boost happiness. The Journal of social psychology, 159(3), 340-343.

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