False Positivity: Definition, Examples, & Explanation

By Eser Yilmaz, M.S., Ph.D.
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
What is false positivity? Find out what false positivity is, explore everyday examples of false positivity, and learn how you can avoid it.
*This page may include affiliate links; that means we earn from qualifying purchases of products.
A positive mindset is essential for handling the problems and hurdles on our paths. Whether at home, school, or work, you are likely encouraged to be positive at all times. “Don’t worry, be happy!” people may tell you, “everything will be fine,” or “count your blessings; there are people who wish they could be as lucky as you are.” You may even be telling others to stay positive and see the glass half-full. Encouraging positivity is generally a nice gesture, but sometimes it can cause more harm than good.
Positivity is an attitude that depends on the context. Therefore, its misapplication may lead to false positivity. In this article, we’ll explore false positivity to understand the root causes of this concept, why it is bad for our well-being, and what we can do to avoid it.
​
Before reading on, if you're a therapist, coach, or wellness entrepreneur, be sure to grab our free Wellness Business Growth eBook to get expert tips and free resources that will help you grow your business exponentially.​​​​​​​​​
Are You a Therapist, Coach, or Wellness Entrepreneur?

Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to
Grow Your Wellness Business Exponentially!

 ✓  Save hundreds of hours of time  ✓  Earn more $ faster  
​✓  Boost your credibility ✓  Deliver high-impact content 

What Is False Positivity? (A Definition)

There is nothing wrong with having a positive outlook when the situation warrants it. Yet, there are times of genuine sadness or distress that aren’t compatible with an overly optimistic attitude, especially when this attitude is forced. We can define false positivity as the exercise of misplaced optimism, excessively and indiscriminately, across all circumstances. 

How can we distinguish genuine positivity from false positivity? Some people are naturally more optimistic and can see the positive aspects of any situation or be inclined to use their negative experiences as learning opportunities. Generally, regardless of whether we are more optimistic than others or not, a genuinely positive attitude can help us deal with difficulties. Yet, sometimes even the most optimistic individuals may feel sad, angry, or worried. False positivity delays accepting the adversity, prevents appropriate emotions and forces us to deny or minimize the magnitude of negative feelings that have risen to the surface. 

Opposite of False Positivity

Genuine positivity and false positivity are not opposites, as the latter is a misapplied form of positivity. Instead, the opposite of false positivity is emotional agility, which is associated with accepting and embracing our negative emotions in the face of adversity (David, 2016).

With false positivity, we deny our emotions after a negative experience. As a result, we might put on a happy mask and carry on with our lives as if we don’t care what happened. Especially during times of grief, such as when we confront the death or diagnosis of a loved one with a terminal illness, invalidating our emotions hides that we need empathy and support.

Emotional agility and acceptance mean that we don’t judge the situation we face or our emotional reactions to it. Instead, we acknowledge what happened and how we feel about that experience. This acceptance prepares us for the next step. For instance, if we have lost a loved one, we accept our loss and understand the ways our lives have since changed as a result. Moreover, if we need help, we are more likely to seek it. These behaviors promote a healthy way of dealing with our grief and other unpleasant emotions associated with our loss.

If we are engaged in false positivity, we might deny the effect of our loss on our lives and well-being. We’d hesitate to seek help even when we struggle. Moreover, if false positivity has been our default way of dealing with adversity, chances are we have never learned how to deal with difficult situations. Let’s discuss false positivity and how it affects our well-being in greater detail.

False Positivity Explained

We have mentioned that false positivity is the positive attitude we force into situations where positivity is not called for. If this doesn’t sound awkward to you, the following analogy may help you see that it is. Assume positivity is akin to sugar – it is sweet and enhances the flavors of some bland foods, making them taste more appealing. We all love happiness and positive attitudes, thoughts, and feelings (Ford & Mauss, 2014), just the way we love the sweetness of sugar. Hence, added sweetness to bland foods is similar to how a positive attitude can help us deal with mundane tasks and everyday hurdles.

However, some foods just don’t go well with sugar. Indeed, adding sugar to those foods may cause them to taste awful. Instead, these foods may need a pinch of salt, a spoon of vinegar, or some other seasoning to become more palatable. Therefore, just like we shouldn’t reach for the sugar jar to season every dish we are served, we shouldn’t sugarcoat every negative experience life puts on our plates. Instead, we’re better served by choosing the most appropriate reaction. 

False positivity can come about in two ways: either other people give our experiences a positive spin, or we do it to ourselves. But how do other people bring false positivity into our emotional experiences? It usually starts with rosy pictures or optimistic comments about an upsetting situation. Such actions are well-meaning, as most people struggle to find something more productive to say or be more empathetic. Yet, these positive efforts of others can create social pressure toward appearing strong and happy.

For instance, many years ago, my beloved cat had turned from jubilantly playful to severely ill in the blink of an eye. After repeated trips to the veterinarian and an overnight stay at a veterinary hospital, my furry friend of many years passed away. I was devastated. After my cat’s death, I received many comments, such as “Cheer up, it’s just a cat!” and “Why are you so sad about that? Some people lose an actual child.” I knew that these well-intentioned comments were supposed to inject positivity into my mood. Nevertheless, all they accomplished was a false positivity. I remember that after those comments, I couldn’t let other people see me mourn my loss, and I was ashamed that I was secretly grieving for my cat. 

When we give our experiences a positive spin, it isn’t much different from when others do it to us. In either case, we try to be optimistic in every situation. Even though life can’t always be positive, we think that a forced positive outlook will improve our lives.

Toxic Positivity is Forced False Positivity

Sometimes, our one-size-fits-all positivity becomes extreme optimism. This forced false positivity is often called toxic positivity (Ehrenreich, 2009).  Generally, positive thinking highlights the benefits of an optimistic outlook when experiencing a problem. In contrast, toxic positivity demands positivity, regardless of how significant the challenges are. As a result, people silence their emotions or may lose their drive to take action. 

Why is this attitude toxic? First, we ignore any actual or potential harm by forcing a positive outlook. We think that everything will be fine in the end, and we don’t need to do anything about the unpleasant circumstance or change the conditions that may lead to a similar situation in the future. Furthermore, accepting our true feelings and talking about them is how we can reduce any adverse emotional reactions (Lieberman et al., 2007), which is essential for emotional healing. Unfortunately, when we are trapped in toxic positivity, we brush these feelings off and don’t heal our wounds.

Toxic positivity may also make us feel isolated and lower our self-esteem. If we have negative feelings, such as sadness or grief, we may feel as if we are failures because we aren’t genuinely positive. We may look strong on the outside, but the knowledge that we are only putting on a mask of strength can cause us to feel phony. Moreover, we may believe that our actual emotions are worthless to others, which may eventually cause us to think that most things about us are unimportant, uninteresting, and unworthy. 

If you would like to learn more about toxic positivity, you might enjoy this video.

Video: 5 Ways Positivity Can Hurt Your Mental Health

Causes of False Positivity

Our culture values positivity as a virtue (Ehrenreich, 2009). Furthermore, we are surrounded by forced positivity messages in our daily lives, including on social media (Lecompte-Van Poucke, 2022). As a result, we internalize these messages and strive to be positive no matter what. 

But what lies underneath our misapplied optimism? Many people are uncomfortable with negative feelings and emotions, whether they experience those themselves or interact with someone going through a rough period. Thus, they choose to diminish or avoid difficult emotions.

In some cases, false positivity is caused by low levels of empathy. That’s because sometimes people have difficulties imagining and validating the experiences and emotions of others. Other times, people might assume that everyone else is as resilient as they are. We can avoid these mistakes by understanding that everyone’s circumstances are unique and so are their reactions and feelings.

Examples of False Positivity

Here are some examples illustrating how false positivity can be dismissive toward our feelings and emotional experiences. In some cases, false positivity keeps us in the same situation that caused our initial reaction. 

  • Break-up of a relationship: Khalil opens up to his best friend about how sad he is about his break-up with his former partner Joe. His best friend says, “Good riddance! You are better looking than Joe, anyway.” 
  • Loss of a child: Jeanine’s older son died unexpectedly in a car crash. Her friends told her, “At least you have another child!”
  • Loss of a parent: Wong has taken care of his mom, a fragile lady in her eighties until she lost her battle against cancer. At the funeral, people told him that she was old anyway, and at least he didn’t have to take care of her anymore.
  • Job dissatisfaction: Jelani’s supervisor had unrealistic expectations and a short fuse, which caused Jelani a lot of anxiety. When he talked to a friend about his experiences, Jelani heard that he should be happy that at least he has a job and many people would do anything to be in Jelani’s position. 
  • Marital dissatisfaction: Tatiana’s husband talks down to her at every chance and treats her like his maid. Tatiana’s mother thinks Tatiana is overreacting. “It could be worse; he could be one of those men who beat his wife,” she says. 
  • Job loss: After losing her job, Frida took to social media to talk about how hard it is to find another position that matches her skill set. Most of the comments on her post included phrases such as “everything will be alright,” “just stay positive,” “you got this,” or “have good vibes only.”
  • Weight loss: Maura has been working out and dieting for the last few months as her doctor suggested that she lose some weight. Although she tried her best, she achieved no weight loss. When she shared her frustration with her brother, he said, “don’t worry about it; if I can stay in shape, you can do it too.”

Tips on How to Avoid False Positivity

Now that we understand what false positivity is and how it manifests in our lives, we can take steps to prevent it. Here are a few suggestions to help you avoid false positivity. 

​Accept your emotions even if they are negative. 
Life can’t always be joyful. Inevitably, we all experience times of distress or hardship. Accepting our emotions allows us to learn how to deal with these situations. This acceptance can provide us with beneficial changes in our lives and make us more emotionally resilient in the long run.

Ground yourself in facts and avoid positive spins.
When faced with an adverse situation, ignoring the core problem or giving it a positive spin doesn’t solve it. In fact, it might even make the situation worse by avoiding its causes. For instance, telling someone who lost their job that “everything will be okay in the end” or “that job was unfulfilling anyway” doesn’t solve their immediate problem, which is to be able to afford their basic needs, or their emotional needs, which are to feel supported. Nor does false positivity delve into the reason for this loss, addressing which can help them find a job or minimally understand why they might have difficulties getting hired. For instance, did this person lose their job because of a downward economic trend, changes in market demand, or personal insufficiencies (i.e., outdated skill sets)? 

Don’t judge others’ feelings.
Unless we avoid all human contact, we can’t run away from observing others suffer or when they try to talk to us about their emotions. If someone is telling you about something upsetting, try to be empathetic. Even if you were to react differently in the same situation, judging or dismissing their negative emotional reactions won’t benefit anyone. In most cases, people tell you about these situations because they trust you, and they need someone to listen and validate their experiences to help them make sense of their situation and heal.

Seek proper support.
If we are dealing with negative emotions, it helps us heal to talk about how we feel. Yet, we might need to be selective about who we are opening up to. Sometimes the people closest to us don’t have the emotional maturity or empathy to understand what we are going through. If that’s the case, you might consider talking to a therapist or joining a support group to share your experiences with others in similar situations.

Provide solid support.
When a friend or a loved one tells us about a problem, most of us utter words of support without even thinking about whether we are actually supportive. That’s why many of us believe we are helping them when we say phrases like “everything will be fine” or “it could be much worse.” So how can we support them without invalidating their emotions and experiences? Here are a few examples you might try:
  • I understand how stressful that might be.
  • I am sorry this happened to you. Let me know how I can help you. 
  • That must be really hard. Is there anything I can do to support you?
  • I want you to know that I’m here for you.
  • Your feelings are valid.
  • It is okay to feel what you feel.
  • Let’s think about how you can address this issue.

False Positivity TED Talk

Psychologist Susan David is one of the leading experts on false positivity and emotional agility. In her TED talk, Dr. David shares her personal story of false positivity and how it eventually led her to study similar experiences. You might enjoy this talk packed with wisdom and powerful strategies to avoid false positivity. ​

Video: Dr. David’s Personal Story of False Positivity

False Positivity Quotes

  • “Harsh reality is always better than false hope.” – Julian Fellowes
  • “What you resist not only persists but will grow in size.” – Carl Jung
  • “Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
  • “When we push aside difficult emotions in order to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop deep skills to help us deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.” – Susan David
  • “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.” – Eric Hoffer
  • “I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.” – Frederick Douglass
  • “The unlimited power that many modern gurus offer is false hope. Their programs calling us to unlimited power have made them rich, not us. They touch our false selves and tap our toxic shame.” – John Bradshaw

Articles Related to False Positivity

​Want to learn more? Check out these articles:

Books Related to False Positivity

If you’d like to keep learning more, here are a few books that you might be interested in.

Final Thoughts on False Positivity

Positivity is essential for a fulfilling life, but excess optimism may do more harm than good. Sometimes, false positivity may be hard to recognize as it typically hides within well-meaning comments and encouragements. We can avoid false positivity by learning to recognize its signs and developing strategies to respond to difficult circumstances more authentically.

Don't Forget to Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to
Grow Your Wellness Business Exponentially!

References
Are You a Therapist, Coach, or Wellness Entrepreneur?
Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to Grow Your Wellness Business Fast!
Key Articles:Content Packages:
Terms, Privacy & Affiliate Disclosure  |   Contact   |   FAQs
* The Berkeley Well-Being Institute. LLC is not affiliated with UC Berkeley.
Copyright © 2023, The Berkeley Well-Being Institute, LLC