Contempt: Definition, Causes, & Examples

By Angela Saulsbery, M.A.
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.

Discover what contempt means, its causes, and what research says about it. Also, learn how contempt affects relationships.

*This page may include affiliate links; that means we earn from qualifying purchases of products.

Have you ever felt judged, shamed, excluded, or unfairly maligned? Have you ever wished you could be less judgmental? Have you ever struggled to repair a relationship only to realize that too little respect remained? If so, these experiences probably featured a hefty dose of contempt. 

Contempt reflects the judgment that another person is morally inadequate or otherwise beneath our standards (Roseman, 2018). It is widely considered a negative emotion, perhaps itself deserving of contempt. It can corrode romantic partnerships, drive people to cut contact with former friends, and hamstring social movements (see Detloff, 1997 for a discussion of the destructive “undercurrent of contempt” that flows between second- and third-wave feminists). 

Contempt can, however, have its uses–Morgan argues that “contempt can be a morally justified response to persons who manifest a bad moral character” (2003). For example, in an abusive relationship, contempt can help the victim leave the relationship and sow seeds for renewed self-regard. In an abusive social system, contempt can help us define our moral standards and avoid internalizing misogyny, racism, or homophobia (see Bell, 2005 for a “feminist defense” of contempt).
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What Is Contempt? (A Definition)

We feel contempt when we see others as permanently immoral, inferior, or bad and want to avoid and exclude them. Some people develop contemptuous personalities (i.e., they are contempt-prone); this “dispositional contempt” often comes with “dispositional envy, anger, and hubristic pride,” as well as low self-esteem and “dark” traits such as narcissism (Schriber et al., 2017). Violations of social mores and hierarchy, specifically, trigger contempt (Rozin et al., 1999). Particularly in dispositionally contemptuous people, perceiving others as incompetent can also trigger contempt (Schriber et al., 2017). 

Contempt can be classed as an emotion or attitude but might be more precisely described as a “sentiment” (Gervais & Fessler, 2017). It tends to be “cold”—it probably won’t get you physically “worked up” like anger, fear, or joy, and might even help to regulate the intensity of anger (Fischer, 2011; Fischer & Ginger-Sorolla, 2016). Perhaps because contempt isn’t associated with high physiological arousal, it can last a long time (Gervais & Fessler, 2017). It often precedes social exclusion or “shunning” (Roseman, 2018). Think of the scene from Mean Girls when Karen yells, “You can’t sit with us!” (Waters, 2004). Contempt is notoriously damaging to relationships (see the next section of this article) and is associated with anger and disgust.

People tend to feel contempt for others of similar social status and/or people they’re not emotionally close to (Schriber et al., 2017). You’re more likely to feel contempt for a friend of a friend (similar status but “relationally distant”) than your child (lower status and relationally close). The objects of our contempt tend to be acquaintances, co-workers, and extended family members (in contrast, we’re more likely to feel anger toward significant others, immediate family, and friends) (Schriber et al., 2017). Maybe contempt for “relationally distant” people helps discourage us from building relationships that don’t align with our values and goals.

What Is Contempt in Psychology (Four Horsemen Theory)

John Gottman includes contempt in his Four Horsemen Theory of marital collapse: Contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling predict divorce when couples habitually use them to communicate. Indeed, of these Horsemen, contempt is the strongest predictor of a breakup . Contempt promotes further conflict as relationship partners feel personally attacked and lose trust in one another. Contempt communicates a sense of superiority and tells your partner that they aren’t good enough for you (Lisitsa, n.d.). Once established, this dynamic can make it impossible to feel secure or enjoy an equal partnership. Indeed, viewing your partner as contemptuous can damage your relationship more than feeling contempt toward your partner (Schriber et al., 2017).

Is Contempt An Emotion?

Contempt is often considered an emotion or an attitude (Morgan, 2003), but may be better described as a “sentiment” (Gervais & Fessler, 2017). A “sentiment” is a cluster of emotions about another person; stable beliefs about what that other person is like and our relationship with them keep these emotions constant and interconnected (Gervais & Fessler, 2017). Love and respect are other examples of sentiments (Gervais & Fessler, 2017). 

In the case of contempt, you might believe that another person is rude, arrogant, and resistant to constructive criticism and that they’ll make your life worse if you spend too much time with them. Because you hold these beliefs, you’ll likely feel anger, disgust, aversion, and other negative emotions in any encounter with this person–or, if you happen to enjoy a conversation with them, your contempt will shape your response to that enjoyment. You might feel confusion or irritation, for example (whereas enjoying conservation with someone you love would inspire a different set of emotions determined by more positive sentiment).

What Is A Contempt Facial Expression?

People express contempt by sneering (Roseman, 2018). We sneer by tightening and raising one corner of our lips (Ekman & Friesen, 1986). People in many countries including Estonia, Japan, the United States, and Scotland agree on the meaning of this expression; it’s as recognizable universally as anger (Ekman & Friesen, 1986).

Opposite of Contempt

The opposite of contempt is the perception that someone is moral, at least equal (if not superior) to you, up to the standards you endorse, and worth getting to know better–in a word, admiration. The Gottman Institute proposes an atmosphere of admiration as an antidote to the marriage-killing properties of contempt (Lisitsa, n.d.). The Institute also recommends a fond and appreciative atmosphere to rescue contempt-damaged relationships (Lisitsa, n.d.). Finally, John Gottman himself touts respect as the opposite of contempt (qt. In Schriber et al., 2017), although Mason argues that respect is a prerequisite for contempt (2003). After all, when we view someone with contempt, we’re also giving them credit for being an essentially rational human being who could choose to do better (Mason, 2003).

Examples of Contempt

Schriber et al. offer the following examples of contempt: 

• A husband meets his wife’s pleas with nonchalant eye rolls. A teenager blurts “Whatever!” People gossip about or avoid others at lunch or parties. Those who disapproved of Margaret Thatcher in life turn their backs on her coffin as it passes. And the scientist who published high-impact papers using fake data had fellow researchers turn their backs on him, too. (2017)

These examples highlight the disrespect and social exclusion that are hallmarks of contempt. Schoolyard bullying, overly critical academic peer reviews, and political campaign trash talk also exemplify contempt (Roseman, 2018).

What Are Contempt Behaviors?

Contempt can motivate us to look down upon, exclude, and gossip about other people (Roseman, 2018). When you feel contempt for someone, you might want to expose their flaws and persuade others to share your negative opinion (Roseman, 2018). Any behavior that distances you from another person can be an expression of contempt (Morgan, 2003; Roseman, 2018) (although you might distance yourself for other reasons, such as shyness, self-care, or mere dislike). Behaviors that communicate indifference can also show “passive contempt” (Roseman, 2018).

Contempt in Relationships

I discussed the impact of contempt on romantic relationships (including and especially marriage) in the above section on the Four Horsemen Theory. Contempt can also poison relationships more generally by motivating us to avoid and exclude (rather than understand and reconcile with) others. Further, although we tend to feel less contempt for people close to us, people who do regularly feel contempt for significant others experience more anxiety in relationships (Schriber et al., 2017). We don’t know, however, whether contempt creates this anxiety, anxiety drives contempt, or another factor influences the intensity of both experiences.
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Although contempt can poison potentially healthy relationships, it can also be an antidote to relationships that are already toxic. In her book Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare, Shahida Arabi suggests thoughtfully and selectively appropriating some of the strategies of abusive partners to heal from their abuse and reestablish independence (2016). For better or worse, I did not make significant progress in moving on from an emotionally abusive relationship until I turned my ex-partner’s contempt on its head and began to see the many ways he might not have been good enough for me. Entertaining some contempt for him allowed me to finally dismiss his numerous criticisms and evict his (figurative) voice from my head. It was only when I decided that he was unworthy of my attention, care, and concern that I could reclaim those emotional resources for others who did deserve them–including, importantly, myself. 

Further, recalling his cruelty and insensitivity through the lens of contempt allowed me to label his behaviors as immoral–and thus, to stop blaming myself and to feel compassion for the pain I’d felt in the relationship. I don’t recommend making contemptuousness a permanent part of your personality, but I’ve grown to appreciate its utility in detaching from and mitigating the psychological harm of a terrible relationship. Indeed, contempt can be a side effect of adequate self-respect (Morgan, 2003).

Contempt vs Resentment

Contempt and resentment are similar in their association with anger, their presence during many relationship breakdowns, and their tendency to endure over weeks, months, or even years. It’s possible, however, to experience one without the other. Resentment is the residue of many episodes of unresolved anger–bitterness over repeated injustices. Although you may resent someone you believe treats you as “less than,” resentment doesn’t require you to judge them as less-than. You can resent someone you don’t feel superior to. Equally, you can view someone with contempt (as unworthy and undesirable) even if they’ve never treated you poorly. Contempt and resentment can cooccur: For example, you can begin to see someone you resent as morally inferior because the way they’ve treated you falls short of your ethical standards. It’s also possible to resent someone who repeatedly treats you with contempt.

Contempt vs Anger

Anger and contempt are closely related concepts with a few crucial distinctions. Whereas anger typically burns out quickly and often doesn’t permanently damage relationships, contempt can last much longer and end relationships (Fischer & Roseman, 2007). Further, while anger typically focuses on behavior, contempt centers on identity–in contempt, the person themself is seen as the problem, as “intrinsically bad” with “no way to make [them] change” (Fischer & Roseman, 2007, p. 112). Contempt, more so than anger, happens when we blame someone else for a problem or conflict (Fischer & Roseman, 2007). If you’re repeatedly angry with the same person, you may begin to feel contempt for them as well (Fischer & Roseman, 2007). 

As an example, imagine that a friend shows up late to a movie you’re excited to see, and you miss the first 15 minutes. If you’re angry, you’ll focus on your disappointment at missing part of the movie, but you’ll still view your friend positively overall. You might voice your disappointment and anger and your friend might apologize and offer to pay for your popcorn. By the end of the movie, you may have forgotten all about your frustration and be ready to analyze the movie together over dinner. 

By contrast, if your friend is always late and never apologizes, you might decide that your friend is irresponsible, rude, a bad friend, or even a bad person. You might use a “you statement” such as, “You’re always so selfish” or “why can’t you just buy a planner?” (see Johnson, 30 November 2012 for an overview). Instead of a fun dinner, you might part as soon as the credits roll and hesitate to make further plans. Having decided that your friend is rude, you might still believe it months after the movie night. 

Social work researcher Brené Brown further explains this distinction in the video below (beginning at 1:49). She points out that although anger is compatible with connection, contempt is dismissive. She then highlights the Gottmans’ research into contempt in marriage that I’ve discussed elsewhere in this article, concluding, “[Contempt is] really like, ‘I’m not just angry, I’m done.’”

Video: The Emotion to be 'Very Wary of' is Contempt ​

Contempt vs Disdain

Contempt and disdain are synonymous and both denote a judgment of someone or something as unworthy or lesser than us. I do see subtle distinctions between the terms–whereas disdain seems milder, shorter-lived, less moralistic, and more likely to refer to an object, contempt feels weightier and more personal. I would probably reserve the word “contempt” to describe feelings toward people or groups only–in other words, contempt imputes agency to its object. I might say that I disdain a condescending ad or a new fashion trend that I dislike, but contempt seems too strong a feeling for the objects themselves. As always with language, your mileage may vary and the connotations of words change over time and across space.

​Quotes on Contempt

Many thinkers have recorded their thoughts on contempt. The quotes below (from a scientist, a novelist, and a psychologist) may help you better understand the concept: 

• “Therefore, when I considered this carefully, the contempt which I had to fear because of the novelty and apparent absurdity of my view, nearly induced me to abandon utterly the work I had begun.” – Nicolaus Copernicus
• “I'm always annoyed about why black people have to bear the brunt of everybody else's contempt. If we are not totally understanding and smiling, suddenly we're demons.” – Toni Morrison
• “Contempt is the weapon of the weak and a defense against one's own despised and unwanted feelings.” – Alice Miller

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These quotes illustrate the power of contempt to repress (scientific) expression, uphold racism, and help us hide shameful feelings from ourselves.

Articles Related to Contempt

​Want to learn more? Check out these articles:​​​​

• Resentment: What It Is and How to Get Through It
• Negative Emotions: List & 158 Examples (+ PDF)
• ​Self-Sabotage: Definition, Behaviors, & How to Stop
  
• ​Destructiveness: Definition & Examples​​​​​

Books Related to Contempt

If you’d like to keep learning more, here are a few books that you might be interested in.

• ​Beyond Contempt: How Liberals Can Communicate Across the Great Divide
• The Moral Psychology of Contempt​
• Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt
  

Final Thoughts on Contempt

Contempt entails a judgment that another person falls short of a standard we value. It’s a sentiment that can last a long time and often precedes and drives social exclusion–if you view someone as intrinsically bad with no hope for change, your best bet may be to cut ties with them (Fischer & Roseman, 2007). Contempt harms relationships and strongly predicts divorce; this tendency of contempt to break up relationships can be a virtue if the relationship is itself harmful, however. In essence, contempt establishes and maintains hierarchies while dissolving relationships. In someone with moral standards and healthy self-respect, occasional contempt is probably unavoidable (even desirable or necessary). It’s a powerful poison that, in small doses and as a last resort, can be valuable medicine. Although all emotions (or sentiments) have their uses, and all are valid, I recommend wielding this one wisely and sparingly.

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References

• ​Arabi, S. (2016). Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself. BookBaby.
• Bell, M. (2005). A woman's scorn: Toward a feminist defense of contempt as a moral emotion. Hypatia, 20(4), 80-93.
• Detloff, M. (1997). Mean spirits: The politics of contempt between feminist generations. Hypatia, 12(3), 76-99.
• Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (1986). A new pan-cultural facial expression of emotion. Motivation and emotion, 10(2), 159-168.
• Fischer, A. H. (2011). Contempt: A hot feeling hidden under a cold jacket. Re-constructing emotional spaces: From experience to regulation, 77-89.
• Fischer, A., & Giner-Sorolla, R. (2016). Contempt: Derogating others while keeping calm. Emotion Review, 8(4), 346-357.
• Fischer, A. H., & Roseman, I. J. (2007). Beat them or ban them: the characteristics and social functions of anger and contempt. Journal of personality and social psychology, 93(1), 103.
• Gervais, M. M., & Fessler, D. M. (2017). On the deep structure of social affect: Attitudes, emotions, sentiments, and the case of “contempt”. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 40.
• Johnson, J. A. (30 November 2012). Are 'I' statements better than 'you' statements? Psychology Today.
• Lisitsa, E. (n.d.). The four horsemen: Contempt. The Gottman Institute.
• Mason, M. (2003). Contempt as a moral attitude. Ethics, 113(2), 234-272.
• Roseman, I. J. (2018). Rejecting the unworthy: The causes, components, and consequences of contempt. The moral psychology of contempt, 107-130.
• Rozin, P., Lowery, L., Imada, S., & Haidt, J. (1999). The CAD triad hypothesis: a mapping between three moral emotions (contempt, anger, disgust) and three moral codes (community, autonomy, divinity). Journal of personality and social psychology, 76(4), 574.
• Schriber, R. A., Chung, J. M., Sorensen, K. S., & Robins, R. W. (2017). Dispositional contempt: A first look at the contemptuous person. Journal of personality and social psychology, 113(2), 280.
• Waters, M. (Director) (2004). Mean Girls [Film]. Paramount Pictures.

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