Apologizing: Definition, Examples, & Tips

By Sukhman Rekhi, M.A.
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
Apologizing can be a powerful skill. Read on to learn the balance between how to apologize when you are wrong and when not to apologize too much. 
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Social support is a pleasurable and often necessary form of connection in our lives. Nevertheless, from time to time, all of us have conflicts in our relationships that may need to be remedied. In most cases, a good apology can help you and the person(s) involved resolve the issue. However, apologizing isn’t just saying sorry. Knowing how to apologize is necessary to sustain your relationships and maintain a healthy form of communication. Let’s look at what a good apology sounds like and some examples of when an apology may be necessary. 
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What Is Apologizing? (A Definition)

We hear the words, “I’m sorry”, all the time. We may utter the words if we accidentally bump into someone on the street or even if we didn’t hear someone properly. But the phrase, “I’m sorry”, isn’t always just about simple mistakes. Sometimes we can really hurt the people in our lives with our words and actions which may often require an apology. 

Apologizing is the act of expressing regret or remorse to someone when you have done something wrong. A sincere and genuine apology goes beyond just saying “I’m sorry.” A good example of an apology can include the following ingredients:

  1. Acknowledgment and responsibility for your actions
  2. Regret about how you made the other person(s) feel 
  3. An intent to change your behavior (and following through with your intent) so you don’t make the same mistake again
  4. Asking what you could to do make amends

Apologies can help the wrongdoer take responsibility for their actions and help reduce any guilt they may hold about their behavior. Subsequently, a good apology can make the person who was wronged feel better, heard, and understood. Apologies can be a great source of building communication between you and your relationships and can allow an opportunity to learn from your mistakes (Howell, Turowski, & Buro, 2012; Schumann & Dweck, 2014).

TED Talk: The Power of Apologizing

Learning how to give a sincere apology is crucial for healthy relationships. Good apologies can be effective and transformative. Check out this video about the power of apologizing by playwright Eve Ensler. ​

Examples of Apologizing

There are several examples of contexts in which apologies may be necessary. For example, maybe you miss an important deadline on a project at work and failed to communicate any challenges you had. Perhaps this mistake lost you a client or added more work for a coworker or supervisor. You are human and mistakes happen. However, an apology could be necessary to clear the air about miscommunication and allow you the opportunity to offer ways to help. 

Whether you are at work, school, at home with your family, out with your partner and friends, or interacting with a stranger, mistakes can happen anywhere. Typically, when you make a mistake or hurt someone, it is important to apologize to the person or people affected. Apologizing to others can be a really difficult experience. A gentle reminder that it is okay to be nervous, anxious, or worried about how the apology will go. We are here to help provide you with concrete examples of how to apologize to others.

A general overview of a good apology could include the following phrases:

  1. What I did was wrong and I am so sorry for hurting you.
  2. I wish I could take back what I said (or did) and be more considerate of your feelings. 
  3. Next time, I will be more mindful about what I say (or do). 
  4. What can I do right now to make you feel better or help our relationship?

As you may have noticed, these four sentences match the ingredients of a good apology that were listed above. It is important to note that every apology may not follow this exact formula, as your apology will likely have to be tailored to the situation and the person you are communicating with. However, this is a good basis to start from and later alter if you are trying to find the right words for your apology.

Let’s take a look at some explicit ways to apologize based on context in the sections below.

How To Apologize Sincerely for Mistakes

A critical key to apologizing sincerely is saying your apology with empathy. It may not have been your intention to hurt someone, but you still made an impact on them that caused hurt. Being able to see how they felt in this situation and understanding how it could have affected them is what being empathetic encompasses. 

Here are some examples of apologizing sincerely:

  • If you had to cancel plans at the last minute: I am so sorry I had to cancel our dinner when you had already made it to the restaurant. I should have let you know in advance that I was having a long day and wouldn’t be able to be present with you. You deserve to be treated with more respect and I will ensure that I give you that next time. 
 
  • If you took a joke too far: I am truly sorry for poking fun at you. Although it wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings, I recognize that my words were hurtful. What can I do to make this better?
 
  • If you broke a nice vase at your friend’s house: I am sorry and feel awful about accidentally breaking your vase. It was beautiful and I should have been much more careful. I am happy to cover the cost and buy you a new one. What type of vase would you like?

As you may notice, apologies can be expressed in a myriad of ways. In order to be sincere, it is important to be empathetic, put the other person’s feelings first, and personalize your apology to fit the situation.

How To Apologize Professionally or in an Email

Apologizing via a screen can often look different than apologizing to someone in person. Typically, you may find yourself using email to apologize in work-related contexts. 

Here are some examples to use if you are apologizing through email:

  • I apologize for the confusion my last email caused. Let me clarify what I meant. 
  • My apologies for the delay in sending you the spreadsheet. I wanted to make sure that it was complete and up to standards. Please let me know how I can support you.
  • Unfortunately, I am dealing with a situation outside of work that is occupying my mental capacity. Because of this, I will not be able to get you this document until next week. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and aim to send it to you as soon as possible.
  • I made a terrible mistake and sent our client the wrong information. I have since cleared it up with them. I will be sure to be more watchful and cognizant of my work. ​

Apologizing to a Friend

Friendships often require apologies. Arguments between you and a friend can of course be frustrating. However, no relationship comes without challenges. Good friendships allow you to find healthy boundaries and encourage you to openly communicate with one another when mistakes happen or feelings are hurt. 

Here are some ways to apologize to a friend:

  • If you said something critical about them: It was not fair of me to say that about you and I feel awful for how that came off and made you feel. I am so sorry for hurting your feelings. 
  • If you said something behind their back: I should have come to you first about our issues rather than telling other people. I am sorry for what I said to you when I was hurt. I know that hurt you and I regret that.
  • If you have a misunderstanding: I think what I said came across as hurtful. I noticed you looking upset and I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. What I actually meant to say was ________. ​

Apologizing to a Girlfriend, Boyfriend, or Partner

Just like friendships, challenges with partners are also normal parts of the relationship. While we all wish we could stay in the honeymoon phase forever, there are times we may say things to our partners that we regret. 

Here are some ways of mitigating the hurt we could have caused through an apology:

  • If you forgot your anniversary: I am so sorry for forgetting such an important day. It doesn’t matter how busy or tired I was, this is a day that I should have remembered. I know this hurt your feelings deeply and I truly apologize for causing you that pain. You are so important to me. What can I do to make this up to you?
 
  • If you got into an argument: I am sorry for what I said to you when I was upset. That was unfair to you and I should have taken more time to calm my feelings down before starting an argument. 
 
  • If you did something to hurt their feelings in general: I’m really sorry that my actions caused you pain. I should have been more mindful about how you would feel. I love you and I hope you can find a way to forgive me. ​​

Apologizing to Someone You Hurt

Oftentimes, we apologize because our mistakes have caused hurt to someone else. Many of the examples above mention hurt feelings and acknowledging how we may have played a part in upsetting someone. 

Here are a few more specific examples of apologizing if you’ve found yourself in a situation where someone was hurt by your actions:

  • I am sorry for saying something insensitive. I should have been more careful and if I could go back and change what I said, I would. I hope you can forgive me.
  • I am sorry for stepping on your foot while I had shoes on. I know that must have hurt really bad. Can I get you something to help you heal?
  • I feel awful for dropping all the cookies you made on the floor. It was an accident, but I know how much time that took you and I’m so sorry for my carelessness. Can I help you make a new batch?
  • I am sorry my loudness woke you up last night. I know you are a light sleeper and have an important meeting today. I should have been more considerate of you and I wish I could take it all back. 
  • I know I said I would be home early to watch the game with you and I’m so sorry I lost track of time with my friends. I love all the time we get to spend together and I know it must have made you feel awful when I didn’t show up to be here with you. I have learned to put all our plans in my schedule and will make sure that moving forward I don’t forget. ​

How To Stop Apologizing Too Much

In psychological research, it is common knowledge that women are significantly more likely to apologize for mistakes—no matter how small—than their male counterparts (Schumann & Ross, 2010).

In contexts where apologies are not necessary, you may consider using the following alternatives:

  • Instead of apologizing for sending a text or email late: Thank you so much for your patience with me.
  • Instead of apologizing for respecting your boundaries and prioritizing self-care: Thank you for the opportunity, but I am not able to do this at this time. 
  • Instead of apologizing for rejecting someone: Thank you, but I am not interested. 

A lack of an apology does not mean a lack of politeness or respect. You can still be courteous without using the words, “I’m sorry.

TED Talk: How Apologies Kill Our Confidence

Maja Jovanovic further explains the tendency for women to over-apologize and how this can affect confidence and well-being. Check out the full video here.

Apologizing Gifts

Apologies come in all different types of apology languages. Sometimes the person you hurt wants a sincere verbal apology. Other times, they may want your apology to be supported by a change in behavior. From time to time, people may want gifts as a supplement to your apology. Typically, this may occur when your loved ones have gift-giving as a primary love language. If this is the case, it can be important to honor what makes them feel most appreciated when you offer them an apology.

Here are some examples of apology gifts you may be interested in giving.

  • Stuffed animals or teddy bears that say “I’m sorry”
  • Home-cooked food or baked goods 
  • A thoughtfully written note expressing your sincerity 
  • A self-care item they may appreciate such as a candle 

If you are apologizing to someone because you lost or broke an item, you may also consider replacing that item or offering a monetary donation for them to buy a new item.

Quotes on Apologizing

Sometimes, quotes can be a great source of inspiration and provide different perspectives on a topic. In need of some wise words about apologies? Look no further. 

  • “Apologies aren’t meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future.” - Kevin Hancock
  • “Apologies are great, but they don’t really change anything. You know what does? Action.” - Stella Young
  • “Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless.” - Bryan Davis
  • “More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.” - Greg LeMond
  • “Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.” - Mark Matthews
  • “I believe that things should be let go once they are discussed. Apology accepted. End of story.” - Brad Goreski
  • “Apologies require vulnerability.” – Jennifer Thomas
  • “A meaningful apology is one that communicates three R’s: regret, responsibility, and remedy.” - Beverley Engel
  • “When anger and bitterness overpower your goodness, you can neither apologize nor forgive.” - Balroop Singh
  • “​​Any good apology has 3 parts: 1) I’m sorry; 2) It’s my fault; and 3) What can I do to make it right? Most people forget the third part.” - Unknown

Articles Related to Apologizing

​Want to learn more? Check out these articles:​​

Books About Apologizing

If you enjoyed this read so far, you might consider exploring these books about apologizing.

 
You may even be interested in these children’s books about the young people in your life. 

Final Thoughts on Apologizing

Is this article already over? We’re so sorry! We hope you enjoyed learning about the importance of apologizing and found some great ways to apologize to the people in your life. Hopefully, you don’t find yourself in frequent situations where apologies are necessary. But in case you do, remember that even though apologizing can be scary, it can also help you learn and improve your relationships.  

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