Selflessness: Definition, Examples, & Quotes

By Justine Saavedra, M.S.
Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.

Explore the benefits and importance of selflessness. Learn to be more selfless through examples and quotes.

Selflessness: Definition, Examples, & Quotes

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Taking care of your own needs and well-being is important but considering the needs of others can also be beneficial to you. The consideration of others' needs and feelings above your own is called being selfless. People who walk through life with a selfless attitude are emotionally stable, feel in harmony, and experience “authentic, durable happiness” (Dambrun, 2017). Perhaps that makes acting selfless a selfish act?

Volunteering may be the first idea that comes to mind when you think about selflessness, and while this is a wonderful practice, it is only one of many ways we can be giving with our time, energy, and love. For example, learning to be more considerate of others can be helpful for many areas of your life including work, marriage, and everyday happiness. This article will present you with more examples of selflessness and give you suggestions about how you can incorporate more selfless acts into your life.

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What Is Selflessness? (A Definition)

Selflessness literally means placing less importance on yourself than on others. It is a state of mind in which you put an equal, or more, amount of consideration towards other people's interests rather than towards your own. Selfless people recognize the needs and feelings of others and try to show kindness in their actions.

A selfless person can be described as:

Generous
Kind
Patient
Respectful (Neff, 2003)

If anyone has ever said that you are a selfless person, consider it a compliment. Many great people throughout history have been described as selfless—people such as Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King Jr. These two pillars of history completely put the well-being of others above their own personal interests.

It’s okay if you feel like you need more practice being selfless. Keep reading if you would like to try to learn how to be more considerate of others.

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Examples of Selflessness

Acts of selflessness can range from small everyday gestures of kindness to large donations of time or money.

The following are some examples of selflessness in everyday life that you may have performed or experienced before:

Holding the door open for the person behind you.
Someone allowing you to merge on a busy freeway.
Volunteering for an activity at your child’s school.
Allowing the person with one item to go ahead of your full cart at the store.
Giving up your seat on public transportation to someone who needs it more than you.

Larger examples of selflessness:

A large financial donation from a wealthy person to build a children’s hospital.
Someone who volunteers for twenty years at the same organization.
A person who donates a kidney to a family member.

Whether large or small, any gesture of selflessness has a positive ripple effect outwards. I know that when I experience or perform a small gesture of kindness, my day immediately brightens up. Are there ways you could incorporate more small acts of everyday kindness into your life?

Selflessness vs Selfishness

Selflessness and selfishness are two states of mind in contrast with one another. People who tend to be selfless consider others' needs while people who tend towards selfishness only consider their own needs. Selfish people are not inherently “bad”—there are many circumstances and situations when putting the self first is necessary or important. However, too much selfishness could negatively impact your interpersonal relationships and stunt your personal growth because you are unable to see any perspective other than your own.

Selfish people place their own importance above that of others. They always view life through the lens of how things will affect them, often without giving a second thought to how other people feel or what other people want. People like this can also be described as self-centered; their ”self” is placed at the center, very separate from the “self” of others (Dambrun & Ricard, 2011).

On the other end of the spectrum are selfless people. These types of people have a weak sense of self-importance in relation to others. This leads them to consider the needs of others above their own and selflessness is associated with many positive traits such as compassion, kindness, respect, and empathy (Neff, 2003).

Personality traits associated with selfishness:

Materialism
Self-centeredness
Avoidance (Dambrun & Ricard, 2011)

Personality traits associated with selflessness:

Compassion
Kindness
Respect
Empathy (Neff, 2003)

No one is 100% only selfless or selfish; people do not usually fall into two categories that easily. In fact, we all have the capability of being either selfless or selfish in any given situation. With practice, you can learn to be selfless more often than not. This may help you develop the positive personality traits associated with selflessness and gain the benefits associated with it.

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Why Is Selflessness Important?

Selflessness is important because it can play an important role in our well-being. A 2017 study found that people who demonstrated selfishness had fluctuating levels of happiness while those who demonstrated selflessness enjoyed “authentic, durable happiness” (Dambrum). Making an effort to shift towards this state of mind could increase the amount—in addition to enhancing the quality—of your happiness.

Many people also find meaning in life in selfless acts. Consider the following quotes:

“Selfless acts are a source of profound meaning for yourself and your life.” – Ron Kaufman.
“As long as you are living only for yourself, you are not living at all.” – Nitin Namdeo

Trying to act more selflessly may be useful if you are looking to find more meaning in your life. The video below also explores selflessness and meaning:

Video: The Ultimate Meaning of Selflessness

How to Be Selfless

Would you like to try to be more selfless? We could all benefit from showing and receiving a little more kindness in our everyday interactions. Here is how you can get started:

Try to recognize that other people have their own ideas, beliefs, and feelings separate from your own.
Try to celebrate the fact that we are all so unique and different.
Before you speak or take action, think about how what you say might affect the people it is directed towards.
Try to act from a place of kindness and consideration towards others.
Attempt some of the selfless activities described in the next section.

Learning to be more selfless is not an overnight process. The more you practice recognizing when you are acting with selfish motivation, the easier it can become to change that to selfless action. No one is perfect but we do have the power to build new skills and develop new traits if we put effort into it.

Selflessness Activities

There are many ways to practice selflessness in your everyday life. Some can involve spending money—like donating to your favorite charity—but most of them are completely free. Try incorporating more selfless acts into your interactions with other people, both strangers and people you know, and it may improve your overall happiness and well-being (Dambrun, 2017).

Volunteer
This is the classic act of selflessness for a good reason. Donating time to a cause that you find meaningful can increase your feelings of happiness as well as social well-being (Son & Wilson, 2012). You can work with children, veterans, a food bank, or any other group that helps people you connect with. Try exploring organizations that work with animals or that need outdoor volunteer work if you prefer a more low-key environment. I walked rescue dogs at the local Humane Society for 2 years (before the pandemic derailed my plans) and I looked forward to it every week. I always felt better after a volunteer shift and it was such a rewarding experience.

Pay it forward
An easy act of selflessness is to pay for an extra coffee and breakfast at your local coffee shop in the morning. You can pay for the person behind you in the drive-through or ask the baristas to save the paid order for anyone who comes into the store needing something to eat. This is a simple, low-cost way to brighten someone’s day. Bonus points if you support a local small business.

Celebrate a co-worker or loved one
Try to take the extra time to tell someone how much you appreciate them. A bit of recognition goes such a long way. Just think about how good it makes you feel when someone tells you that you are doing a good job or that they like your new outfit. You can easily give that good feeling to someone else.

Be kind
Being kind is the simplest way to show selflessness. When you are kind, you convey to other people that you care about how they feel. This should help to increase the quality of your interactions with other people as well as your close relationships.

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Selflessness in Marriage

People who have mainly selfish motivations experience poorer relationships (Crocker et al., 2017). Approaching life from a selfish state of mind can create a barrier that alienates you from other people because they may feel you are unable to see their point of view. This can be especially troublesome in our closest relationships, particularly in marriage. Being more considerate to your partner could be a factor in helping to improve misunderstandings and/or recurring arguments. Seeing your partner’s point of view gives you a better perspective when it comes to compromise, a key component of any healthy relationship.

Selflessness Leadership

Would it surprise you to hear that selfless leaders are better leaders overall? A 2021 study found that leaders who displayed higher degrees of selflessness had better safety outcomes. This is because selfless leaders empowered their employees by giving them an “I can” attitude rather than an “I have to” attitude (Cavazotte et al., 2021). You don’t have to be a CEO to benefit from learning leadership skills. You never know when they might come in handy. Watch the two TED Talks below to learn how to be a more selfless leader.

Video: Create a Culture of Selflessness

Video: Selfless Leadership

Selflessness In Your Career

Many jobs can be described as selfless, meaning that the difficulty and/or risks outweigh the benefits/compensation— though many people in these professions would argue that the emotional rewards they get are well worth the effort.

If you are searching for a career that gives you meaning, consider the following jobs that are in service to others:

Firefighter
Social worker
Teacher
Non-profit work
Nurse
Paramedic
911/988 dispatcher

Selflessness Quotes

Quotes can serve as inspirational nuggets for the times we find ourselves struggling. Save the following sayings to move you towards walking through life more selflessly.

“Then give to the world the best you have. And the best will come back to you.” ―Madeline Bridges
“It’s when you’re acting selflessly that you are at your bravest.” ―Veronica Roth
“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” ―James Keller
“Selfless acts are a source of profound meaning for yourself and your life.” ―Ron Kaufman
“We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act.” ―Buddha
“Be a happy memory for everyone.” ―Nitin Namdeo
“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.” ―Mandy Hale
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” ―Dalai Lama XIV
“Selflessness. It should be the basis of every relationship. If a person truly cares about you, they'll get more pleasure from the way they make you feel, rather than the way you make them feel.” ―Colleen Hoover

Articles Related to Selflessness

Want to learn more? Check out these articles:

Books Related to Selflessness

If you’d like to keep learning more, here are a few books that you might be interested in.

Final Thoughts on Selflessness

Selflessness is a state of mind that can help you achieve “authentic, durable happiness” (Dambrun, 2017). Being kind by considering the needs and feelings of others is how you selflessly move through the world. Acts of selflessness do not have to be large gestures—small, everyday acts of kindness have a similar ripple effect throughout the world. Try to learn to celebrate the differences we all share and appreciate other people’s points of view to act more selflessly and you just might see an increase in the quality of your happiness and relationships. Couldn’t we all benefit from a little more kindness in the world?

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References

Cavazotte, F., Mansur, J., &; Moreno, V. (2021). Authentic leadership and sustainable operations: How leader morality and selflessness can foster frontline safety performance. Journal of Cleaner Production, 313, 127819.
Crocker, J., Canevello, A., & Brown, A. A. (2017). Social Motivation: Costs and benefits of selfishness and otherishness. Annual Review of Psychology, 68(1), 299–325.
Dambrun, M. (2017). Self-centeredness and selflessness: Happiness correlates with and mediating psychological processes. PeerJ, 5.
Dambrun, M., & Ricard, M. (2011). Self-centeredness and selflessness: A theory of self-based psychological functioning and its consequences for happiness. Review of General Psychology, 15(2), 138–157.
Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
Son, J., & Wilson, J. (2012). Volunteer work and hedonic, Eudemonic, and social well-being. Sociological Forum, 27(3), 658–681.

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