Shadow Work: Definition, Examples, & Prompts

By Charlie Huntington, M.A., Ph. D. Candidate
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
Shadow work means acknowledging and accepting the parts of ourselves we don’t want to admit exist. If you want the freedom of having embraced your own Shadow, read on to learn all about shadow work.
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For much of my adult life, there were sides of myself that I was reluctant to really acknowledge. For example, I was rarely conscious of being angry at anybody, and over time I came to see myself as someone who “just didn’t get angry.” Similarly, I liked to think of myself as a generous person who put other people first, and I often had a hard time noticing when I might have a need or desire that conflicted with somebody else’s need or desire. If a situation like that came up, I would suppress my own desire, perhaps even without realizing it.
Was I angry during those years? Did I ever want to put myself first? Absolutely! But I had reached the conclusion, consciously or unconsciously, that it would not be okay for me to express anger or put my own needs first. My sense of who I was revolved around being generous and gentle. There was no room for selfish or angry moments, so I repressed those thoughts and feelings.

In recent years, I have come to acknowledge how my anger and my own needs were often banished into the shadows, into what some psychologists and therapists would call the shadow self. Inside and outside of therapy, I have encountered and tried to befriend these shadowy parts of myself. I’ve been doing shadow work, and if doing shadow work interests you, read on to learn all about it.
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What Is Shadow Work? (A Definition)

To understand what shadow work is, we must first define the Shadow. (I will capitalize the word to remind us that we are using a specific, psychology-based meaning of the word.) The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, who is perhaps Sigmund Freud’s most famous trainee, described the Shadow as the repressed parts of ourselves, the parts we find unpleasant or cannot tolerate acknowledging (Jung, 1958). The Shadow consists of the aspects of ourselves that contradict our characteristics that we do like and want to be recognized for.
 
When we recognize our Shadow sides coming up, we try to avoid acknowledging those parts at all costs. When we see other people demonstrating our Shadow traits, we may have strong negative reactions, because we (1) do not want to be associated with those traits and (2) may resent that other people get to express those sides of themselves, while we don’t (Jung, 1958).
 
It is in the nature of our Shadows that we cannot see them clearly; to look at them directly would be too painful. For this reason, Shadows are more easily identified by other people, and conflict is likely to result when one person remarks on the Shadow side of another person.
Knowing what the Shadow is, what then is shadow work? Shadow work is the unification of who we consciously are with the parts of ourselves that we repress; it is the integration of the bad and the ugly with the good, so that we become complete beings (Bertholo, 2013).
 
This is no easy task. Each of us forms our Shadow side in childhood when we recognize that certain traits we have are pleasing to adults and get us what we want, while other personality traits seem to get us into trouble (Bly, 1988). Over time, and with reinforcement from caregivers, peers, and teachers, we learn to present the sides of ourselves that other people seem to like while relegating the other sides to the Shadow.
 
Bly (1988) offers the compelling image of each of us dragging a big, heavy bag containing all our shadows behind us; we filled that bag in childhood, and in adulthood. If we are lucky and courageous, we start to let those parts out of the bag. And how do we do that? Shadow work, of course: the intentional, difficult process of facing our Shadow sides and integrating them into who we are.

How Does Shadow Work Work?

As noted above, the goal of shadow work is to fully own all aspects of oneself – especially the Shadow parts – and become a more authentic, integrated person. While the specific tools and techniques used in shadow work can vary widely, there is a simple framework for describing the general steps in the process (Wilber, 2000):
 
1)    Recognizing Shadow aspects. In my own work, for example, I had to first notice that certain behaviors I thought were very generous of me, such as doing things for people unasked, were actually motivated by a desire to have them do something for me.
2)    Labeling Shadow aspects. Once I could recognize that pattern in my life, I had to call my “generosity” what it really was: a backhanded way of being selfish. I was trying to get my own needs met without admitting it.
3)    Identifying with the Shadow aspects. At this point in the process, I needed to admit where this was coming from: I am a person who values being of service to other people – and a person who fears being a burden to others. That’s why I would engage in that Shadow behavior.
4)    Owning the Shadow aspects. Finally, I had to accept that this is an ongoing pattern in my life, something I am responsible for catching myself doing and then changing. This sometimes looks like saying to myself, “Charlie, this is important to you and worth asking for. It’s worth the discomfort to get things that matter to you.”

Benefits of Shadow Work

Perhaps I made shadow work sound simple just now – four quick steps, right? In fact, it’s hard and uncomfortable work, which is why the benefits of shadow work are valuable – a good return for your effort.
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The first benefit that comes from shadow work is accessing what some call the Golden Shadow, or all the potential for good that those Shadow aspects actually contain (Ketola, 2008). For my part, admitting that I get angry allowed me to recognize when my anger was appropriate and effective.

Shadow work benefit 1: Self-knowledge​
For example, the upside of me feeling my anger is that I have a better sense of my personal boundaries and know when I need to communicate that. An upside of admitting that I sometimes want to put myself first is that I am learning to ask for the things that really matter to me, even when that means other people have to exert themselves on my behalf.
In other words, our Shadow aspects have both “light” and “dark” sides to them – we just chose to label them as all dark and try to repress them (Johnson, 1993). While we may initially fear that these aspects of ourselves are truly “all dark”, accessing the lighter sides of these traits can make us more creative and help us grow (Ladkin et al., 2018).

Shadow work benefit 2: Better relationships
The second benefit of shadow work is that we hurt ourselves and others less. When we do not acknowledge our Shadow, we possess a distorted view of the world (Petriglieri & Stein, 2012), one that is based on trying to maintain our self-concept—our sense of who we are. This puts us at risk of projecting our Shadow onto other people, hurting our relationships in the process.

Finally, any attempt to ignore parts of who we are is very demanding of our energy (Kegan, 1994). All the energy we put into repressing our Shadow self is energy we are not using elsewhere in life. Once we stop resisting our Shadow self and begin to integrate it into our lives, we get some of that energy back.

Examples of Shadow Work

Jung (1958) identified dream interpretation as a primary example of shadow work. Since many things come up in dreams that we try to repress in ourselves, we can look to the content of dreams to identify our Shadow self in action. For example, a mother who dreams repeatedly about leaving her spouse and children behind may not be willing to admit that she craves more independence in her life, because this craving goes against her vision of herself as a good spouse and mother.​

Another example of shadow work is engaging in psychodrama (Cruz et al., 2018). In psychodrama, one can take on the roles of various different parts of oneself, in order to more fully explore what it feels like to embody each and every aspect of oneself.

Shadow Work Exercises

Here are two shadow work exercises, in abridged form, that you can try:

​Shadow work exercise 1
The goal of the first exercise, called Who I Am Not, is to purposefully identify with “negative” aspects of oneself (Chappell et al., 2019). First, you list five positive qualities you believe you possess. Then, you describe the opposite characteristic for each of those five positive qualities. Third, envision how a person who has those opposite characteristics would behave. Then try to identify some positive aspects of how they might behave and what they might say to you if you met them. Finally, acknowledge the strengths that this person who is “opposite” to you does bring to the table.

Shadow work exercise 2
Our second example, called It-You-Me, is an exercise for working with projections (Wilber et al., 2008). First, write down a few details about an ongoing source of frustration in your life. Then, share the situation with somebody, telling them your thoughts and emotions about the source of frustration. Next, the person you just shared with takes on the role of somebody else in the situation, and your job is to tell that person – in the role of participant in the situation – what you are thinking and feeling. Finally, have your support person take notes as you dialogue with yourself about the situation. Then, have them read their outside reflections to you about your process. Work together to find the points where you might be projecting onto other people in the situation.

Shadow Work in Therapy

Shadow work is often done in therapy (Bly, 1988). A therapist is an ideal resource for helping one deal with situations in which one feels “triggered” by a situation or a person. Oftentimes, these situations reflect our reaction to our own Shadow as much as they reflect a reaction to the people or the situation itself (Bly, 1988). Once a client and therapist have identified the projection, they can discuss how to integrate this Shadow aspect; the goal is for the client to own this part of their response and not react to the Shadow.

Shadow Work (According to Carl Jung)

Much of what we have already covered is work building on the writings and teachings of Carl Jung. Jung was a strong proponent of seeing the positives in the Shadow, seeing it as an important reference point for creativity and morality (Jung, 1958).
 
According to Jung, dealing with one’s Shadow is an ongoing process, more of a continuous negotiation than a conclusively-fought battle or two. Jung did not expect people to conquer their Shadows, but rather to be continually working to notice and integrate their Shadow selves.

Quotes on Shadow Work

  •  “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung
  • “Shadow-making happens in families and makes us who we are. It leads to shadow-work, which makes us who we can become.” – Connie Zweig
  • “Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough.” – Debbie Ford
  • “I would rather be whole than good.” – Carl Jung
  • “It is only through shadows that one comes to know the light.” – St. Catherine of Siena

Articles Related to Listening Skills

Want to learn more? Here are some related articles that might be helpful.

Books Related to Listening Skills

To keep learning, here are some books to explore:​​

Final Thoughts on Shadow Work

I hope you now have a better sense of what shadow work entails. This is a process that you can conduct on your own, but it will probably go better with the help of others since we all have a natural tendency to dismiss or ignore our Shadow. I recommend finding a friend you trust who is willing to give and receive honest feedback about the “less desirable” sides of yourself. And if you think your Shadow side needs a great deal of work, finding a therapist who is familiar with this kind of therapeutic approach might be best.
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If you’d like to watch a video that reviews most of what we discussed here and adds some more helpful content for people new to the topic, I recommend watching the following:

Video: Shadow Work: The Ultimate Guide for Beginners

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