Perfectionism: Definition, Examples, & Traits

By Eser Yilmaz, M.S., Ph.D.
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
What is perfectionism? Discover what perfectionism is, the traits and conditions associated with it, and how perfectionism can affect your well-being.
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Nobody is perfect, and we all know it. But most of us still desire to achieve excellence in certain aspects of our lives. For some, it may involve being an incredible athlete or worker. Others may strive to be perfect parents or spouses. Although we might consciously strive to be flawless, in some cases, we might not be aware of the impossibly high standards we try to abide by or unattainable goals we want to achieve. This pursuit of perfection might also be pushed on us by the picture-perfect lives of others on social media and the expectations set by society to look or act a certain way.
Striving for excellence is a good quality that can lead to success and fulfillment. Yet, everything works best in moderation, including perfectionism. In this article, we’ll discuss perfectionism and its characteristics, as well as traits and conditions linked to perfectionism, and how being a perfectionist can affect your well-being.

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What Is Perfectionism? (A Definition)

Perfectionism is a personality trait associated with striving to be flawless and often involves being critical of imperfections (Flett & Hewitt, 2002). Although perfectionism can be a healthy motivator in moderation, excessive perfectionism may cause stress and diminish the chances of success. Therefore, the ability to distinguish between healthy (adaptive) and unhealthy (maladaptive) perfectionism may help us understand whether we are helping or hurting ourselves. 

Let’s start by delving deeper into the components of perfectionism. Generally speaking, perfectionism has two dimensions: perfectionist striving and perfectionist concerns. Perfectionist striving is associated with the pursuit of flawlessness, as well as setting high standards (Stoeber & Otto, 2006; Gade, Schermelleh-Engel & Klein, 2017). On the other hand, perfectionist concerns include aspects such as critical evaluation of one’s self and perceived performance in the light of high standards (Gade, Schermelleh-Engel & Klein, 2017). 

A perfectionist typically strives for perfection and is simultaneously concerned about not meeting their expectations. Experts associate perfectionist striving with hopes for success, which can bring about positive outcomes, such as higher levels of performance and self-efficacy (Slade & Owens, 1998). In contrast, perfectionist concerns are associated with fear of failure, which may cause worry and stress (Slade & Owens, 1998). Hence, the balance between these two dimensions may determine whether the perfectionism of an individual is adaptive or maladaptive.

What Is Maladaptive Perfectionism? (A Definition)

Have you ever worried too much about an upcoming exam, event, or meeting that you couldn’t pay attention to anything else going on in your life and maybe even lost some sleep over it? I surely have, especially when I was getting ready to defend my doctoral dissertation. In other words, I was suffering from maladaptive perfectionism. 

Maladaptive perfectionism is associated with elevated perfectionist concern. Therefore, it includes excessive preoccupation and rumination about past mistakes, doubts about achieving goals, fear of failure, and fear of letting others down. These negative emotions may be especially high for things outside the individual’s control. Although adaptive perfectionism can help achieve goals, maladaptive perfectionism can cause severe stress and anxiety (Smith et al., 2018). If not managed, maladaptive perfectionism can hurt the individual’s chances of success and erode their self-esteem​ and confidence. 

Here is an informative video about the negative aspects of perfectionism.

Video: Our Dangerous Obsession With Perfectionism Is Getting Worse

Opposite of Perfectionism

If we consider maladaptive perfectionism as the excessive form of perfectionism, we might realize that the perfectionist coin has two sides, and there is the other extreme on the other side: non-perfectionism. 
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Non-perfectionism isn’t being careless or having low standards. It also doesn’t mean that non-perfectionists don’t put any effort into what they do and produce low-quality results. In contrast, non-perfectionism involves setting realistic goals and not getting dragged down by imperfections, mistakes, or judgmental opinions. Furthermore, non-perfectionists may be more content with how things turn out than perfectionists, as they wouldn’t stress over the mishaps and mistakes. They would also have lower levels of worry about situations they can’t control, such as the weather on their wedding day. 

Examples of Perfectionism

Perfectionism, whether adaptive or maladaptive, is all around us. Moreover, we might be perfectionists when it comes to some aspects of our lives and non-perfectionists when it comes to others. Here are some examples.

  • School success: Leila worries a great deal about letting her parents and teachers down. While her classmates engage in extracurricular activities on weekends, Leila prefers to stay home to study. If she doesn’t receive a perfect score on an exam or assignment, she ruminates about her imperfect grade for days. 
 
  • Athletic performance: Jim is one of the best swimmers at this high school. He never misses practice. At swim meets, Jim is only satisfied when he finishes first. He becomes highly agitated if he doesn’t beat the times of other swimmers.
 
  • Career performance: Lauren is a programmer at a video game company. She has exceptionally high standards and goes over every code she writes multiple times. Although this process of checking and rechecking her code slows her progress and decreases her output, Lauren believes it is imperative to ensure the impeccable quality of her work. However, she misses a minor mistake every once in a while and ruminates about her defective product. 
 
  • Parenting: Cheng is a stay–at-home-dad to a toddler. He has high standards for childcare, from preparing the most nutritious meals for his daughter to finding the most creative activities to do with her. Cheng also tries to ensure that his house is always clean and organized. As a result, he often feels exhausted by the time his wife comes home from work in the evening. 
 
  • Special events: Zara has dreamed of a big wedding since she was little. Now that she’s engaged to be married in a few months, Zara started worrying about every detail of her big day. A few days ago, she broke into tears after hours of cake tasting because none of the cakes she tried had the authentic peach flavor she wanted. 
 
  • Creative pursuits: Frank is an accountant at a law firm during the day but an aspiring novelist at night. He started writing a suspense novel a few months ago. Yet, he seems to dislike every page that he has written. So, Frank writes and rewrites every scene, and after each session, he ends up finding something else that he dislikes about the latest version. He has started losing confidence in his writing skills and doubts that he’ll finish his novel. ​

Perfectionism Traits

Perfectionism is more than being competitive. For instance, a competitive person might work hard toward their personal goals and be content with the results of their efforts. In contrast, a perfectionist might refuse to accept those results if they don’t meet their criteria of perfection. Here are the most common traits associated with perfectionism.

  • All-or-None Thinking: According to a perfectionist, everything can be categorized as either perfect or a failure. Hence, if they notice any mistakes —no matter how minuscule— they tend to see the whole thing as a letdown.
 
  • Unrealistic Standards: Perfectionists may have extremely high standards. As a result, they might judge everything through these standards and label almost everything imperfect. For instance, a non-perfectionist student may cherish receiving a 94 out of 100 on an exam, whereas a perfectionist may be devastated about losing six points.
 
  • Worry About Failure: Perfectionists strive for excellence and worry that they will fail to reach their goals. Moreover, due to their all-or-none thinking and unrealistic standards, it is often difficult for them to achieve perfection. 
 
  • Tunnel Vision: When perfectionists are worried about failing at something, everything else may become insignificant. In other words, they may focus only on what they are trying to be perfect at and disregard everything else. For instance, a person who is a perfectionist in their career may put most aspects of their life on the back burner as they strive to achieve excellence at work.
 
  • Focus on Outcomes: Perfectionism is focused on the results. A non-perfectionist may appreciate the little things on their journey as they progress toward their goals. As a result, they may enjoy or learn from their journeys even if they don’t meet their expectations or fail to reach the finish line. In contrast, perfectionists may disregard every aspect of the journey if they fail to reach their goals. 
 
  • Excessive Criticism: Perfectionists tend to be highly critical of themselves and others due to their unreasonably high standards. For instance, a perfectionist parent might have high standards for their children and expect them to always be on their best behavior and receive the highest grades. As a result, if the children fail to meet these expectations, they may criticize them unduly.
 
  • Inability to Deal With Criticism: A competitive but non-perfectionist person may listen to criticism and learn from it to boost their future performance. In contrast, perfectionists may struggle when criticized and become defensive.
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  • Procrastination and Avoidance: This trait may sound surprising. Nevertheless, perfectionists may procrastinate if they don’t feel entirely ready to produce the perfect result they would be satisfied with. Similarly, learning new skills or improving existing ones may be frustrating if they don’t achieve mastery and perfection quickly. Hence, they may give up such pursuits early on and avoid specific tasks due to excessive fear of failure. ​

How Does Perfectionism Affect Well-Being?

Adaptive perfectionism can help people feel successful and fulfilled. However, maladaptive perfectionism may do more harm than good. Why? Because excessive perfectionism involves holding yourself to unreasonably high standards at all times. This constant effort for excellence can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, chronic stress is associated with adverse health outcomes, including high blood pressure, increased resting heart rate, digestive problems, appetite changes, and a weakened immune system (McEven, 1998).

It can also cause other problems such as irritability, fatigue, insomnia, emotional outbursts, and loss of libido (McEven, 1998). In addition to these effects, excessive perfection may also cause people to feel unsatisfied with how their lives have turned out. These perfectionists may even feel depressed after repeatedly failing to meet their own expectations. Let’s discuss some conditions frequently associated with perfectionism.

Perfectionism and Anxiety
The relationship between perfectionism and anxiety is complicated. A person may be anxious about a task but assume a perfectionist attitude and work hard to achieve the best that they can. If this perfectionism is adaptive, the individual may feel less anxiety upon accomplishing their goals (Gnilka, Ashby & Noble, 2012). Yet, a person with maladaptive perfectionism can have even higher levels of anxiety (Gnilka, Ashby & Noble, 2012). Research suggests that this elevation of anxiety was associated with concern over mistakes and self-doubts about meeting unreasonably high standards (Smith et al., 2018).

Perfectionism and OCD​
Perfectionism seems to be associated with the need for excellence and thrives on certainty; hence, it goes hand in hand with OCD (Frost, Novara & Rheaume, 2002). For instance, a parent might wash a baby bottle with soap and plenty of water before feeding their baby. However, an obsessive-compulsive parent may wash the bottle with soap and water and then boil it in a pressure cooker several times before rinsing it with specialized purified water. Although this excessive washing may cause most people to roll their eyes, the parent with OCD would do it every time to ensure that the bottle is impeccably clean and free of germs.  

Do you want to learn more about the effects of perfectionism? You may enjoy this video.

Video: How Perfectionism Makes Us Ill ​

Overcoming Perfectionism

Adaptive perfectionism can indeed make us high achievers. Unfortunately, maladaptive perfectionism can take over our lives and make us anxious and miserable. Luckily, it is something we can overcome. Here are some suggestions that may help you. 

  • Setting attainable standards. You might want to question whether your standards are, well, reasonably standard. If your standards are too high, it may be impossible to reach them. If you struggle to judge your standards’ attainability, you might ask a friend or a coworker for their opinion. 
 
  • Setting realistic goals. Aiming high is great as long as your goals are achievable. Wanting to reach a goal isn’t the same thing as being able to achieve it. Therefore, you might want to inventory your relevant skills and resources and set or adjust your goals accordingly.  
 
  • Be flexible. Things happen, situations change, and unexpected obstacles appear on your path. That’s just how life is. Learning to be more flexible allows you to adapt to whatever life throws at you and adjust your goals and expectations accordingly.
 
  • Reframe the way you perceive mistakes. I used to be terrified of making mistakes and often catastrophized them in my mind. Then I realized two things. First, mistakes and mishaps can happen no matter how careful and well-prepared I was or how hard I worked. Thus, worrying about them wasn’t helpful or productive. Second, there was something perfect about mistakes: they were perfect learning opportunities. I noticed that every time I made a mistake, I learned something new or gained a different perspective.
 
  • Positive affirmations. Telling yourself positive phrases can ease your anxiety and help you accept your imperfections. Here are a few examples:
    • Mistakes are opportunities for growth.
    • I don’t have to do things perfectly.
    • I am worthy of love and respect the way I am.
    • I don’t have to be perfect to deserve love and respect.
    • I appreciate myself the way I am.
    • My worth is independent of my achievements.
 
  • Get help. Sometimes we just can’t change our behaviors and need help. For instance, you might benefit from cognitive-behavioral therapy, which may help you identify and change any negative behaviors or thought patterns associated with perfectionism. It can also help you regulate any negative or destructive thoughts and emotions caused by maladaptive perfectionism.

Quotes About Perfectionism

Here are some words of wisdom about perfectionism that you may find insightful.

  • “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it's a shield.” —Brene Brown
  • “There's really no way to be perfect. Perfectionism is a silly trait to have, so in a lot of ways that inspired the world of 'Divergent,' in which everyone is striving toward that ideal and falling short of it.” —Veronica Roth
  • “I've struggled a lot in my life with feeling like a failure. I lived in a 'prison of perfectionism,' holding myself to a standard I couldn't possibly live up to. Then I became a mom, and all of a sudden, there arose even more opportunities for failure.” —Sarah Drew
  • “Perfectionism rarely begets perfection, or satisfaction - only disappointment.” —Ryan Holiday
  • “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.” —Anne Lamott

Articles Related to Perfectionism

​Want to learn more? Check out these articles:​

Books Related to Perfectionism

If you’d like to keep learning more, here are a few books that you might be interested in.
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Final Thoughts on Perfectionism

Let’s face it; we can’t always be perfect. Adaptive perfectionism can give us the push to achieve the best we can. Yet, when we set unattainable goals and overly high standards that we can’t achieve, we might be trapping ourselves in a vicious cycle of maladaptive perfectionism and start to feel anxious and lose our self-confidence. Luckily, there are ways to overcome perfectionism. Thus, we can all prevent excessive perfectionism from taking the joy out of our achievements and let us be content with who we are with all our imperfections. ​

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