Socializing: Definition, Skills, & Examples

By Charlie Huntington, M.A., Ph. D. Candidate
​Reviewed by Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.
Socializing is social interaction for the fun of it, and it is fundamental to human happiness and fulfillment. Through reviewing socializing skills and examples, let’s learn more about how to socialize effectively.
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A few years ago, I chose to live in a housing co-operative, and after several years of shared meals, house labor days, and movie nights, I have a hard time imagining living any other way. I am not a particularly extroverted person by nature, so you might wonder why I love this lifestyle so much. The answer is simple: I’m a busy person, and planning social time is hard for me. Having abundant chances to connect with other people right outside my bedroom door has helped me stay social during graduate school.
I have come to recognize time for socializing as a fundamental need of mine – one that I share with virtually everyone I know. This article explores our basic human drive to connect with others – to socialize. Let’s learn the definition of socializing, what socializing skills look like, and some tips for socializing more effectively.
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What Is Socializing? (A Definition)

Socializing is spending time with other people, outside of work for the purpose of connecting with them and enjoying yourself (Cambridge English Dictionary, n.d.). I find this definition a little confusing: if I’m at a reception after a presentation at graduate school, and I’m talking with my colleagues, am I socializing, or does the professional setting mean we are not truly socializing? I think what is important to understand is that socializing is something we do for the inherent satisfaction that comes from connecting with other people (Maslow, 1943).

Why Socializing Is Important

Socializing is how we establish, maintain, and deepen relationships – without interacting with other people just to connect with them, we would not get the social contact that is essential for our well-being (Maslow, 1943). Indeed, the amount and frequency of socializing we get seems to be directly related to our well-being (Lubben & Gironda, 2003).
 
One way that socializing is important throughout our lifespan is that it relates to how well we understand other people. As children, we learn how others think and move through the world by playing with them, and as adults, we maintain our understanding of others’ thinking by socializing (Henry et al., 2013; Rosi et al., 2016).
 
I think the distinction between socializing and social interaction while working should not be underestimated. When we interact with other people in a work context, we are living out our professional identity and responsibilities, which makes it difficult to truly appreciate the social connection. When we socialize, our full focus is on the experience of connecting with other people.

The other way that we know that socializing is important is from research that links a lack of social interaction to poorer health outcomes. (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). Simply put, people who have fewer opportunities to socialize do not get the benefits of socializing (see below), and their overall health suffers for it.

Benefits of Socializing

As noted above, social interaction is a universal human need (Maslow, 1943). On the third level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is the need for love and belonging, and as adults, we primarily meet this need by socializing, whether with peers, family members, or our partners. Socializing can also meet the next need up the hierarchy: the need for self-esteem. Socializing not only tells us that we are accepted by other people, that we belong in certain social groups or settings – it also tells us that we are liked.
 
The effects of socializing – a sense of belonging, experiencing affection, and knowing that one is held in positive regard by others – positively impacts our mental and physical well-being and helps us live longer (Shor et al., 2013). In fact, one of the most famous psychology studies tracked hundreds of men from their college years into their eighties, and it found that one of the most effective predictors of their longevity and overall well-being was the number of meaningful social connections they maintained over the years (Waldinger & Schulz, 2010).

Socializing Skills

The core components of socializing skills are the ability to share one’s own feelings, understand others, and be reflective about one’s own and other people’s experiences (Kanske et al., 2015). Let’s look at each of these in a little more detail:
 
1)    Sharing one’s own feelings and needs. People cannot know how to relate to me unless I self-disclose with them about where I am at. If I withhold my needs and desires – something I have definitely done while socializing in the past – I will eventually become resentful or disengaged, and then socializing doesn’t feel so good anymore.

2)    Understanding other people’s experiences. When I hang out with somebody new for the first time, I tend to be highly aware of their experience of our time together. While this can verge on micromanaging their experience, it is also an important part of socializing – it allows me to respond to their needs and make sure we are both enjoying our time together.

3)    Reflecting on everybody’s experiences. We will keep socializing with people when we have enjoyed our time together so far, and only through reflection on the experience can we make the changes we need to ensure that socializing stays enjoyable. For example, when I have friends over for dinner, I usually spend some time afterwards thinking about how everything went. Was I comfortable with how long everybody stayed? Did anybody at the dinner seem a little left out? How could I have made them feel more included?

Socializing Examples

Since all social time that is about connection and fun and is not work-related counts as socializing, there are many examples of socializing. Here are all the examples I can think of from the last week of my life:
  • Cooking dinner side by side with one of my housemates.
  • Catching up about our holiday breaks with a friend between workout sets at the gym.
  • Receiving a call from a friend from college who wants to catch up.
  • Meeting with a friend for a hike near our houses.
  • Unloading a truck full of food with several other volunteers at my local food bank.
  • Reminiscing about past adventures with friends around a campfire.
  • Being cheered on as I climb and set up the ropes on an outdoor rock wall.
  • Sharing our favorite songs with two friends as I drive us home from a climbing trip.
  • Calling my parents to share some good professional news.
  • Attending the weekly meeting of my men’s group at a friend’s house.

Socializing Problems

Socializing problems usually stem from difficulties in using the social skills I mentioned above (Pronin et al., 2002). In particular, struggling to understand how other people think and what their experience is – an ability called Theory of Mind – makes it hard to socialize (Henry et al., 2013). Without an understanding of what other people are experiencing, we cannot make effective decisions about what to say or do next (Hodges et al., 2011).
 
When we are children, it is understood that we have a hard time taking the perspectives of other people – the parts of our brains that serve this function have not fully formed yet. However, as we age, effective socializing requires greater and greater abilities to understand the mental states of other people, and lacking those skills leads to conflict and poor socialization (Pronin et al., 2002).
 
There are several reasons why people might not have or use Theory of Mind skills. Two populations that frequently experience some degree of difficulty in socializing are people with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD) (Soorya & Halpern, 2009). People with ADHD may have trouble paying consistent attention to how others are doing; they may miss important contextual cues, such as a facial expression that somebody else shows only briefly. By contrast, people with ASD have trouble interpreting social cues, even if they are paying attention to other people’s behavior. For example, a person on the autism spectrum may take literally a comment that was meant to be sarcastic.

Socializing and Mental Health

Broadly speaking, people who socialize more are less likely to develop mental health challenges, and they need less mental health care when they do face such challenges (Bellido-Zanin et al., 2015). In this sense, we can think of socializing as being protective for our mental health – a great reason to prioritize it over getting “just a little more” work done!
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Research also tells us that even if people who are struggling with socializing right now do not have mental health problems, they are likely to develop them over time (Obradovic et al., 2009). In particular, people who have trouble socializing as children tend to develop symptoms of anxiety or depression as adults. This makes intuitive sense to me – when I have a hard time connecting with other people, it is easy for me to start wondering whether there is something wrong with me. At the same time, some people may react to socializing challenges by getting angry at other people.

How to Socialize With Social Anxiety

Many people have social anxiety, which quite naturally makes it difficult to socialize (Schulz et al., 2014). There are many things people with social anxiety can do to help themselves socialize comfortably, and in some ways they can be broken down into two categories: 
  • what you do to prepare for social situations, and 
  • how you handle your thoughts and feelings in those social situations. 

Here are some tips for handling anxiety around socializing:
 
  1. Work on your social anxiety when you’re not socializing (Schulz et al., 2014). One effective way to do this is to track your socially anxious thoughts and evaluate them. For example, do I know for a fact that that person’s smile meant they were smirking at something I said? Could they have been amused by something on the TV instead? Another effective tool is to write down all the evidence you have that you are an effective socializer. Think of all the times you have enjoyed with other people. Write down the positive things that these experiences show about you. As a final example, you can role-play the situations you might find most anxiety-making with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist (Gantman et al., 2012).
  2. Practice with manageable social interactions (Khan et al., 2021). This is similar to the idea of exposures, a key therapeutic tool for dealing with anxiety. To build confidence in socializing, you can do it gradually and intentionally. Pick people who feel safe; set up interactions that have a time limit, so you know when things will end; have a plan for ways to get support while you are socializing, such as going to the bathroom; and come prepared with tools for regulating yourself. That might include taking deep breaths, saying you need a moment to send a text, or even asking somebody to call you while you are out socializing so you have the excuse for a break.
 
Here’s one more idea: you can ask people after the fact how they felt about the time they spent with you. I bet most of the feedback will be positive. Then, try your best to pair what they have told you with your memories of your time together (Clerkin & Teachman, 2010).

If you would like even more tips on dealing with anxiety while socializing, I recommend watching this video:

Video: Why You Feel Anxious Socializing (and What to Do about It)

Articles Related to Socializing

Want to learn more? Here are some related articles that might be helpful.

Books Related to Socializing

To keep learning, here are some books to explore:​​

Final Thoughts on Socializing

Perhaps this is my many years of graduate school speaking, but I think we underestimate the importance of socializing as a culture. Especially in the U.S., where our work ethic is still going strong, we can easily lose sight of the importance of slowing down to simply enjoy connection with other people.
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If you are one of those people who puts work first again and again, I invite you to consider shifting your priorities to create more time for socialization. Work happy hours and networking lunches may make us feel connected to others, but socializing offers us a chance to truly be ourselves around others, and to get our basic human needs for connection, belonging, and affection met. You deserve to prioritize those needs of yours – they are worth it.

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